annr.pandora-第16章
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hat urged me to 〃remember〃 for my own sake。
But remembering only led to confused and jumbled thoughts。 Suddenly a veil would fall between the reality of my cabin on the ship； and the tumbling of the sea … between that and some dim and frightening world； of Temples covered in words that made magic！ Long narrow beautifully bronzed faces。 A voice whispered； 〃Beware the Priests of Ra； they lie！〃
I shivered。 I closed my eyes。 The Queen Mother was bound and chained to her throne！ She wept！ It had been her crying。 Unspeakable。 〃But you see； she has forgotten how to rule。 Do as we say。〃
I shook myself awake。 I wanted to know and I did not want to know。 The Queen wept beneath her monstrous fetters。 I couldn't see her clearly。 It was all in progress。 It was busy。 〃The King is with Osiris； you see。 You see how he stares； each one whose blood you drink； you give to Osiris； each one bees Osiris。〃
〃But why did the Queen scream？〃 '
No； this was madness。 I couldn't let this confusion overe me。 I couldn't deliberately slip from reason into these fantasies or recollections supposing they had a true root。
They had to be nonsense； twisted images of grief and guilt； guilt that I had not rushed to the hearth and driven the dagger into my breast。
I tried to remember the calming voice of my Father； explaining once how the blood of the gladiators satisfied the thirst of the dead； the Manes；
〃Now； some say that the Dead drink blood；〃 spoke my Father from some long ago dinner talk。 〃That's why we are so fearful on all these unlucky days； when the Dead are supposed to be able to walk the Earth。 I personally think this is nonsense。 We should revere our ancestors。。。〃
〃Where are the Dead； Father？〃 my brother Lucius asked。
Who had piped up from the other side of the table； to quote Lucretius in a sad little female voice that nevertheless manded silence of all these men'？ Lydia：
Of earth return to earth； but any part
Sent down from heaven； must ascend again
Recalled to the high temples of the sky
And death does not destroy the elements
Of matter； only breaks the binations。
〃No；〃 my Father had replied to me quite gently。 〃Rather quote Ovid： 'The ghosts ask for but little； they value piety more than a costly gift。' 〃 He drank his wine。 〃The ghosts are in the Underworld where they can't harm us。〃
My eldest brother Antony had said； 〃The Dead are nowhere and are nothing。〃
My Father had raised his cup。 〃To Rome；〃 he said； and it was he this time who had quoted Lucretius： 〃 'Too many times； religion mothers crimes and wickedness。' 〃
Shrugs and sighs all around。 The Roman attitude。 Even the Priests and Priestesses of Isis would have joined Lucretius when he wrote：
Our terrors and our darknesses of mind
Mast be dispelled； then； not by sunshine's rays；
Not by those shining arrows of Light；
But by insight into nature； and a scheme
Of systematic contemplation。
Drunk？ Drugged？ Bull's blood？ Systematic？ Well； it all came down to the same thing。 Know！ Twist the poetry as you will。 And the phallus of Osiris lives forever in the Nile； and the water of the Nile inseminates the Mother Egypt eternally； death giving birth to life with the blessing of Mother Isis。 Merely a particular scheme and a sort of systematic form of contemplation。
The ship sailed on。
I languished some eight more days in this torment； often lying awake in the dark； and sleeping only in the day to avoid the dreams。
Suddenly； in the early morning； Jacob pounded my door。
We were midway up the Orontes to the city。
Twenty miles now from Antioch。 I did up my hair as best I could （I'd never done it without a slave） into a chignon on the back of my head； then covered my Roman gowns with a great black cloak and prepared to disembark … an Eastern woman； her face draped； protected by Hebrews。
When the city came into view … when the immense harbor greeted us and then embraced us with all its masts and racket and odors and cries； I ran to the deck of the ship and looked out at this city。 It was splendid。
〃You see；〃 Jacob said。
Taken from the ship by litter I found myself carried rapidly through vast waterfront markets； and then into a great open square； crowded with people。 I saw everywhere the Temples； porticoes； booksellers； even the high walls of an amphitheater … all that I could have expected in Rome。 No； this was no town。
The young men were crowded about the barbershops ready to have their obligatory shave and the inevitable fancy curls on their foreheads； which Tiberius with his own hairstyle had made fashionable。 There were wine shops all over。 The slave markets were jammed。 I glimpsed the entrances to the streets devoted to crafts … the street of the tentmakers； the street of the silversmiths。
And there in all its glory； in the very center of Antioch； stood the Temple of Isis！
My goddess； Isis； with her worshipers ing and going； undisturbed； and in huge numbers。 A few very proper…looking linen…clad Priests stood at the doors！ The Temple was aswarm。
I thought； I can run away from any husband in this place！
Gradually I realized a great motion had e upon the Forum； the center of the city。 I heard Jacob ordering the men to hurry out of the broad market street and into the back streets。 My bearers were running。 The curtains were brought shut by Jacob's hand so I couldn't see out。
News was being shouted out in Latin； in Greek； in Chaldean： Murder； Murder； Poison； Treachery。
I peeped out of the curtain。
People were weeping and cursing the Roman Gnaeus Calpurnius Piso； cursing him and his wife； Placina。 Why？ I didn't much like either one of them； but what was all this？
Jacob shouted again at my bearer to hurry。
We were rushed through the gates and into the vestibule of a sizable house no different in design or color than my own in Rome； only much smaller。 I could see the same refinements； the distant peristyle； clusters of weeping slaves。
The litter was promptly set down and I stepped out； deeply concerned that they had not stopped me at the doors to wash my feet； as was proper。 And my hair； it had all fallen down in waves。
But no one noticed me。 I turned round and round； amazed at the Oriental curtains and tassels that hung over the doorways； the caged birds everywhere singing in their little prisons。 The woven carpets lying all over the floor； one heaped upon another。
Two obvious ladies of the house came towards me。
〃What's the matter！〃 I asked。
They were as fashionable as any rich woman in Rome； drenched in bracelets and wearing goldtrimmed gowns。
〃I implore you；〃 said one of the women； 〃for your own sake； go！ Get back into the litter！〃
They tried to push me inside the curtained cell of the litter。 I wouldn't go。 I became furious。
〃I don't know where I am；〃 I said。 〃And I don't know who you are！ Now； stop pushing me！〃
The Master of the House； or someone who certainly appeared to be such； came dashing towards me； with tears streaming down his cheeks and his short tousled gray hair a mess … torn as if in mourning。 He'd ripped his long tunic。 He'd smeared dirt on his face！ He was old with a bent back and a massive head； loaded with skin and wrinkles。
〃Your Father was my young colleague；〃 he said to me in Latin。 He grabbed me by the arms。 〃I dined in your house when you were a baby。 I saw you when you crawled on all fours。〃
〃Tender；〃 I said quickly。
〃Your Father and I studied in Athens； slept under the same roof。〃
The women stood panic…stricken with their hands over their mouths。
〃Your Father and I fought with Tiberius on his first campaign。 We fought those lurid barbarians。〃
〃Very brave；〃 I said。
My black outer cloak fell down； revealing my unkempt wild long hair and plain dress。 Nobody cared。
〃Germanicus dined in this house because your Father spoke of me！〃
〃Oh dear； I see；〃 I said。
One of the women motioned for me to get in the litter。 Where was Jacob？ The old man wouldn't let me go。
〃I stood with your Father and with Augustus when news came to us of the massacre of our troops in the Teutoburg Forest； that General Varus and all his men were slain。 My sons fought with your brothers in the legions of Germanicus when he punishe
