cb.damnationgame-第79章

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　　〃I'm　all　right；〃　she　told　him　very　coolly。
　　〃He's　been　here。〃　She　nodded。　〃But　he's　gone　now。〃　〃Didn't　he　leave　me　any　messages？〃　he　asked；　with　a　crooked　smile。
　　She　sat　up。　Something　was　horribly　wrong　with　him。　His　voice　was　odd；　his　face　was　the　color　of　fishmeat。　He　stood　off　from　her；　as　if　the　merest　touch　would　shatter　him。　Looking　at　him　made　her　almost　forget　the　appetite　that　still　consumed　her。
　　〃Message；〃　she　said；　〃for　you？〃　She　didn't　understand。　〃Why？　What's　happened？〃　〃They　were　dead。〃　〃Who？〃　〃Flynn。　Charmaine。　Somebody　slit　their　throats。〃　His　face　came　within　an　ace　of　crumpling　up。　This　was　the　nadir；　surely。　They　had　no　further　to　fall。
　　〃Oh；　Marty　。　。　。〃　〃He　knew　I　was　going　back　to　my　house；〃　he　said。　She　looked　for　accusation　in　his　voice；　but　there　was　none。　She　defended　herself　nevertheless。
　　〃It　couldn't　have　been　me。　I　don't　even　know　where　you　live。〃　〃Oh；　but　he　does。　I'm　sure　he　makes　it　his　business　to　know　everything。〃　〃Why　kill　them？　I　don't　see　why。〃　〃Mistaken　identity。〃　〃Breer　knows　who　you　are。〃　〃It　wasn't　Breer　who　did　it。〃　〃You　saw　who？〃　〃I　think　so。　Two　kids。〃　He　fished　for　the　pamphlet　he'd　found　behind　the　door。　The　assassins　had　delivered　it；　he　guessed。　Something　about　their　sober　suits；　and　that　glimpsed　halo　of　blond　hair；　suggested　doorstep　evangelists；　fresh…faced　and　lethal。　Wouldn't　the　European　delight　in　such　a　paradox？
　　〃They　made　an　error；〃　he　said；　slipping　off　his　jacket　and　starting　to　unbutton　his　sweat…soaked　shirt。　〃They　just　went　into　the　house　and　murdered　the　first　man　and　woman　they　met。　Only　it　wasn't　me；　it　was　Flynn。　〃　He　pulled　his　shirt　out　of　his　trousers　and　slung　it　off。　〃It's　so　easy；　isn't　it？　He　doesn't　care　about　the　law…he　thinks　he's　above　all　that。〃　Marty　was　forcibly　aware　of　how　ironic　this　was。　He；　the　ex…con；　the　despiser　of　uniforms；　cleaving　to　the　notion　of　law。　It　wasn't　a　pretty　refuge；　but　it　was　the　best　he'd　got　at　the　moment。　〃What　is　he；　Carys？　What　makes　him　so　certain　he's　immune？〃　She　was　staring　down　at　the　fervent　face　of　the　Reverend　Bliss。　〃Baptism　in　the　Holy　Ghost！〃　he　promised；　blithely。
　　〃What　does　it　matter　what　he　is？〃　she　said。
　　〃Otherwise　it's　over。〃　She　made　no　reply。　He　went　to　the　sink　and　washed　his　face　and　chest　in　cold　water。　As　far　as　the　European　was　concerned；　they　were　like　sheep　in　a　pen。　Not　just　in　this　room；　in　any　room。　Wherever　they　hid　he'd　find　their　refuge　in　time；　and　e。　There　might　be　a　small　struggle…do　sheep　fight　the　oning　execution？　he　wondered。　He　should　have　asked　the　fly。　The　fly　would　have　known。
　　He　turned　from　the　sink；　water　dripping　from　his　jawline；　to　look　at　Carys。　She　was　staring　at　the　floor；　scratching　herself。
　　〃Go　to　him；〃　he　said　without　warning。
　　He'd　tried　a　dozen　ways　to　open　this　conversation　as　he　drove　back；　but　why　try　to　sweeten　the　pill？
　　She　looked　up　at　him；　empty…eyed。　〃What　did　you　say？〃　〃Go　to　him；　Carys。　Go　into　him；　the　way　he　goes　into　you。　Reverse　the　procedure。〃　She　almost　laughed；　there　was　a　sneer　mustering　in　reply　to　this　obscenity。　〃Into　him？〃　she　said。
　　〃Yes。〃　〃You're　insane。〃　〃We　can't　fight　what　we　don't　know。　And　we　can't　know　unless　we　look。　You　can　do　that；　you　can　do　it　for　both　of　us。〃　He　started　across　the　room　toward　her；　but　she　bowed　her　head　again。　〃Find　out　what　he　is。　Find　a　weakness；　a　hint　of　a　weakness；　anything　that　can　help　us　survive。〃　〃No。〃　〃Because　if　you　don't；　whatever　we　try　to　do；　wherever　we　try　to　go；　he's　going　to　e；　him　or　one　of　his　cohorts；　and　slit　my　throat　the　way　he　did　Flynn's。　And　you？　God　knows；　I　think　you'll　be　wishing　you'd　died　the　way　I　did。〃　This　was　brutal　stuff；　and　he　felt　dirtied　by　the　very　saying　of　it；　but　he　knew　how　passionately　she'd　resist。　If　bullying　didn't　work；　he　still　had　the　heroin。　He　squatted　on　his　haunches　in　front　of　her；　looking　up　at　her。
　　〃Think　about　it；　Carys。　Give　the　idea　a　chance。〃　Her　face　hardened。　〃You　saw　his　room；〃　she　said。　〃It'd　be　like　locking　myself　in　an　asylum。〃　〃He　wouldn't　even　know；〃　he　said。　〃He　wouldn't　be　prepared。〃　〃I'm　not　going　to　discuss　it。　Give　me　the　smack；　Marty。〃　He　stood　up；　face　slack。　Don't　make　me　cruel；　he　thought。
　　〃You　want　me　to　shoot　up；　and　then　wait；　is　that　it？〃　〃Yes；〃　she　said；　faintly。　Then　more　strongly：　〃Yes。〃　〃Is　that　all　you　think　you're　worth？〃　She　didn't　reply。　Her　face　was　impossible　to　read。　〃If　you　thought　that；　why'd　you　burn　yourself？〃　〃I　didn't　want　to　go。　Not　without　。　。　。　seeing　you　again。　Being　with　you。〃　She　was　trembling。　〃We　can't　win；〃　she　said。
　　〃If　we　can't　win；　what's　to　lose？〃　〃I'm　tired；〃　she　replied；　shaking　her　head。　〃Give　me　the　smack。　Maybe　tomorrow；　when　I'm　feeling　better。〃　She　looked　up　at　him；　eyes　shining　in　the　bruises　of　her　eye　sockets。　〃Just　give　me　the　smack！〃　〃Then　you　can　forget　all　about　it；　eh？〃　〃Marty；　don't。　It's　going　to　spoil…〃　She　stopped。
　　〃Spoil　what？　Our　last　few　hours　together？〃　〃I　need　the　dope；　Marty。〃　〃That's　very　convenient。　Fuck　what　happens　to　me。〃　He　suddenly　felt　this　to　be　indisputably　true；　that　she　didn't　care　what　he　suffered　and　never　really　had。　He'd　run　into　her　life　and　now；　once　he'd　brought　her　dope；　he　could　fade　out　of　it　again　and　leave　her　to　her　dreams。　He　wanted　to　hit　her。　He　turned　his　back　on　her　before　he　did。
　　Behind　him；　she　said：　〃We　could　have　some　dope…you　too；　Marty；　why　not？　Then　we　could　be　together。〃　He　didn't　reply　for　a　long　moment。　When　he　did　he　said：　〃No　fix。〃　〃Marty？〃　〃No　fix　until　you　go　to　him。〃　It　took　Carys　several　seconds　to　register　the　full　impact　of　his　blackmail。　Hadn't　she　said；　a　long　time　ago；　that　he'd　disappointed　her　because　she'd　expected　a　brute？　She'd　spoken　too　soon。
　　〃He'll　know；〃　she　breathed；　〃he'll　know　the　moment　I　get　near　him。〃　〃Tread　softly。　You　can；　you　know　you　can。　You're　clever。　You've　crept　into　my　head　often　enough。〃　〃I　can't；〃　she　protested。　Didn't　he　understand　what　he　was　asking？
　　He　made　a　face；　sighed；　and　crossed　to　his　jacket；　which　was　where　he'd　dropped　it　on　the　floor。　He　rummaged　around　in　the　pocket　until　he　found　the　heroin。　It　was　a　pitifully　small　packet；　and　if　he　knew　Flynn；　the　stuff　was　cut。　But　that　was　her　business；　not　his。　She　stared；　transfixed；　at　the　packet。
　　〃It's　all　yours；〃　he　said；　and　threw　it　over　to　her。　It　landed　on　the　bed　beside　her。　〃You're　wele　to　it。〃　She　still　stared；　now　at　his　empty　hand。　He　broke　her　look　to　pick　up　his　stale　shirt；　and　slip　it　back　on。
　　〃Where　are　you　going？〃　〃I've　seen　you　high　on　that　crap。　I've　heard　the　garbage　you　talk。　I　don't　want　to　remember　you　like　that。〃　〃I　have　to　have　it。〃　She　hated　him；　she　looked　at　him　standing　in　a　patch　of　late…afternoon　sun；　with　his　bare　belly　and　his　bare　chest；　and　she　hated　every　fiber　of　him。　The　blackmail　she　could　understand。　It　was　crude；　but　functional。　This　desertion　was　a　worse　kind　of　trick　altogether。
　　〃Even　if　I　was　to　do　as　you　say　。　。　。〃　she　began；　the　thought　seemed　to　shrink　her。　〃。　。　。　I　won't　find　out　anything。〃　He　shrugged。　〃Look；　the　smack's　yours；〃　he　said。　〃You've　got　what　you　wanted。〃　〃And　what　about　you？　What　do　you　want？〃　〃I　want　to　live。　And　I　think　this　is　our　only　chance。〃　Even　then　it　was　such　a　slim　chance；　the　slimmest　crack　in　the　wall　through　which　they　might；　if　fate　loved　them；　slip。
　　She　weighed　up　the　options；　why　she　even　contemplated　his　idea　she　wasn't　certain。　On　another　day　she　might　have　said：　for　love's　sake。　Finally　she　said：　〃You　win。〃
　　
　　He　sat　down　and　watched　her　prepare　for　the　journey　ahead。　First；　she　washed。　Not　just　her　face；　her　whole　body；　standing　on　a　spread　towel…at　the　little　sink　in　the　corner　of　the　room；　with　the　gas…fired　water　heater　roaring　as　it　spat　water　into　the　bowl。　Watching　her；　he　got　an　erection；　and　he　felt　ashamed　that　he　should　be　thinking　of　sex　when　so　much　was　at　issue。　But　that　was　just　the　puritan　talking；　he　should　feel　whatever　felt　right。　She'd　taught　him　that。
　　When　she'd　finished　she　put　her　underwear　back　on；　and　a　T…shirt。　It　was　what　she'd　been　wearing　when　he'd　arrived　at　Caliban　Street；　he　noted：　simple　unconfining　clothes。　She　sat　on　a　chair。　Her　skin　rippled　with　gooseflesh。　He　wanted　to　be　forgiven　by　her；　to　be　told　that　h