dk.coldfire-第85章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
ays had real trouble showing it; and he could never say it。〃 As Holly was about to ask him a question; he suddenly shook his head violently and wrenched his distorted face into an expression of anguish so severe that for an instant she thought he was having another stroke。 〃It's not all him。
God knows it's not。〃 The slur in his voice thickened when he grew more emotional。
〃I've got to face it…part of the distance between us is me; my fault; the blame I put on him that I never should've。〃
〃Blame?〃 〃For Lena。〃
A shadow of fear passed across her heart and induced a quiver of angina…like pain。
She glanced at the window that looked out on a corner of the courtyard。
It was not the corner to which Jim had gone。 She wondered where he was; how he was。 。 。 who he was。
〃For Lena? I don't understand;〃 she said; though she was afraid that she did。
〃It seems unforgivable to me now; what I did; what I allowed myself to think。〃 He paused; looking not at her but through her now; toward a distant time and place。 〃But he was just so strange in those days; not the child he had been。 Before you can even hope to understand what I did; you have to know that; after Atlanta; he was so very strange; all locked up inside。〃
Immediately Holly thought of Sam and Emily Newsome; whose lives Jim had saved in an Atlanta convenience store…and Norman Rink; into whom he had pumped eight rounds from a shotgun in a blind rage。 But Henry obviously was not talking about a recent event in Atlanta; he was referring to some previous incident; much further in the past。
〃You don't know about Atlanta?〃 he asked; reacting to her evident mystification。
A queer sound chittered through the room; alarming Holly。 For an instant she could not identify the noise; then realized it was several birds shrieking the way they did when protecting their nests。 No birds were in the room; and she supposed their cries were echoing down the fireplace chimney from the roof Just birds。 Their chatter faded。
She turned to Henry Ironheart again。 〃Atlanta? No; I guess I don't know about that。〃
〃I didn't think you did。 I'd be surprised if he talked about it; even to you; even if he loves you。 He just doesn't talk about it。〃
〃What happened in Atlanta?〃 〃It was a place called the Dixie Duck…〃 〃Oh; my God;〃 she whispered。 She had been there in the dream。
〃Then you do know some of it;〃 he said。 His eyes were pools of sorrow。
She felt her face crumple in grief; not for Jim's parents; whom she had never known; and not even for Henry; who presumably had loved them; but for Jim。 〃Oh; my God。〃 And then she couldn't say any more because her words backed up behind her own tears。
Henry reached out to her with one liver…spotted hand; and she took it; held it; waiting until she could speak again。
At the other end of the room; bells were ringing; horns blaring; on the TV game show。
No traffic accident had killed Jim's parents。
That story was his way of avoiding a recounting of the terrible truth。
She had known。 She had known; and refused to know。
Her latest dream had not been a warning prophecy but another memory that Jim had projected into her mind as they had both slept。 She had not been herself in the dream。 She had been Jim。 Just as she had been Lena in a dream two nights ago。 If a mirror had given her a look at her face; she would have seen Jim's countenance instead of her own; as she had seen Lena's in the windmill window。 The horror of the blood…drenched restaurant returned to her now in vivid images that she could not block from memory; and she shuddered violently。
She looked toward the window; the courtyard; frightened for him。
〃They were performing for a week at a club in Atlanta;〃 Henry said。
〃They went out for lunch to Jimmy's favorite place; which he remembered from the last time they'd played Atlanta。〃
Voice trembling; Holly said; 〃Who was the gunman?〃 〃Just a nut。 That's what made it so hard。 No meaning to it。 Just a crazy man。〃
〃How many people died?〃 〃A lot。〃
〃How many; Henry?〃 〃Twenty…four。〃
She thought of young Jim Ironheart in that holocaust; scrambling for his life through the shattered bodies of the other customers; the room filled with cries of pain and terror; reeking with the stench of blood and vomit; bile and urine from the slaughtered corpses。 She heard the heavy sound of the automatic weapon again; chuda…chuda…chuda…chuda…chuda…chuda; and the please…please…please…please of the terrified young waitress。 Even as a dream; it had been almost beyond endurance; all the random horror of existence and all the cruelty of humankind boiled down to one devastating experience; a savage ordeal from which full psychological recovery; even for an adult; would take a lifetime of struggle。 For a ten…year…old boy; recovery might seem impossible; reality intolerable; denial necessary; and fantasy the only tool with which to hold on to a shred of sanity。
〃Jimmy was the only survivor;〃 Henry said。 〃If the police had gotten there a few seconds later; Jimmy wouldn't have made it either。
They shot the man down。〃 Henry's grip tightened slightly on Holly's hand。 〃They found Jim in a corner; in Jamie's lap; in his daddy's lap; his daddy's arms; all covered with。 。 。 with his daddy's blood。〃
Holly remembered the end of the dream …the crazyman is ing straight at her; knocking tables and chairs aside; so she scrambles away and into a corner; on top of a dead body; and the crazyman is ing closer; closer; raising his gun; she can't bear to look at him the way the waitress looked at him and then died; so she turns her face to the corpse …and she remembered awakening with a jolt; gagging in revulsion。
If she'd had time to look into the face of the corpse; she would have seen Jim's father。
The avian shriek shrilled through the recreation room again。 It was louder this time。 A couple of the ambulatory residents went to the fireplace to see if any birds were caught behind the damper in the chimney。
〃In his daddy's blood;〃 Henry repeated softly。 It was clear that; even after all these years; the consideration of that moment was intolerably painful to him。
The boy had not only been in his dead father's arms but surely had known that his mother lay dead among the ruins; and that he was orphaned; alone。
Jim sat on a redwood bench in the Fair Haven courtyard。 He was alone。
For a day late in August; when the seasonal drought should have been at its peak; the sky was unusually heavy with unshed moisture; yet it looked like an inverted bowl of ashes。 Mixes of late…summer flowers; cascading from planting beds onto the wide concrete walkways; were missing half their color without the enhancement of sunshine。 The trees shivered as if chilled by the mild August breeze。
Something was ing。 Something bad was ing。
He clung to Holly's theory; told himself that nothing would e unless he caused it to appear。 He only had to control himself; and they would all survive。
But he still felt it ing。
Something。
He heard the screaky cries of birds。
The birds had fallen silent; After a while Holly let go of Henry Ironheart's hand; took some Kleenex from her purse; blew her nose; and blotted her eyes。 When she could speak; she said; 〃He blames himself for what happened to his mom and dad。〃
〃I know。 He always did。 He'd never talk about it; but there were ways it showed; how he blamed himself; how he thought he should have saved them。〃
〃But why? He was only ten years old; a small boy。 He couldn't have done anything about a grown man with a submachine gun。 For God's sake; how could he feel responsible?〃 For the moment; the brightness had gone out of Henry's eyes。 His poor lopsided face; already pulled down to the right; was pulled down farther by an inexpressible sadness。
At last he said; 〃I talked to him about it lots of times; took him on my lap and held him and talked about it; like Lena did; too; but he was so much locked in himself; wouldn't open up; wouldn't say why he blamed himself hated himself〃 Holly looked at her watch。
She had left Jim alone too long。
But she could not interrupt Henry Ironheart in the middle of the revelations that she had e to hear。
〃I'v