cw.imarriedadeadman-第43章

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oundless　puff；　and　suddenly　yellow　light　glowed　all　around　it。
　And　as　it　burned；　over　this　yellow　light；　they　turned　their　heads　and　looked　at　one　another。　With　a　strange；　new　sort　of　fright　they'd　never　felt　before。　As　when　the　world　drops　away；　and　there　is　nothing　left　underfoot　to　stand　on。
　〃She　didn't　do　it；〃　he　whispered；　stricken。
　〃She　didn't；〃　she　breathed；　appalled。
　〃Then…？〃
　〃Then…？〃
　And　each　pair　of　eyes　answered；　〃You。〃
　
　
　*　*　*
　
　
　The　summer　nights　are　so　pleasant　in　Caulfield。　They　smell　of　heliotrope；　of　jasmine；　and　of　clover。　The　stars　are　warm　and　close　above　us。　The　breeze　is　gentle　as　a　baby's　kiss。　The　soothing　whisper　of　the　leafy　trees；　the　lamplight　falling　on　the　lawns；　the　hush　of　perfect　peace　and　security。
　But　not　for　us。
　The　house　we　live　in　is　so　pleasant　here　in　Caulfield。　Its　blue…green　lawn；　always　freshly　watered；　the　dazzling　whiteness　of　the　porchsupports　in　the　sun；　the　gracious　symmetry　of　the　bannister　that　curves　down　from　above；　the　gloss　of　rich　old　floors；　the　lushness　of　pile　carpeting；　in　every　room　some　favorite　chair　that's　an　old　friend。　People　e　and　say；　〃What　more　can　there　be？　This　is　a　home。〃
　But　not　for　us。
　I　love　him　so。　More　than　ever　before；　not　less。　So　bitterly　I　love　him。　And　he　loves　me。　And　yet　I　know　that　on　some　day　to　e；　maybe　this　year；　maybe　next；　but　surely　to　e；　suddenly　he'll　pack　and　go　away　and　leave　me。　Though　he'll　love　me　still；　and　never　stop　even　after　he's　gone。
　Or　if　he　doesn't；　I　will。　I'll　take　up　my　valise；　and　walk　out　through　the　door；　and　never　return。　I'll　leave　my　heart　behind；　and　leave　my　child　behind；　and　leave　my　life　behind；　but　I'll　never　e　back。
　It's　certain；　it's　assured。　The　only　uncertainty　is：　which　one　of　us　will　be　the　first　to　break。
　We've　fought　this　thing。　In　every　way　we　know；　in　every　way　there　is。　No　good；　no　good　at　all。　There's　no　way　out。　We're　caught；　we're　trapped。　For　if　he's　innocent；　then　it　has　to　be　me。　And　if　I　am；　it　has　to　be　he。　But　I　know　I'm　innocent。　（Yet　he　may　know　he　is　too。）　We　can't　break　through；　there's　no　way　out。
　It's　in　the　very　kiss　we　give　each　other。　Somehow　we　trap　it　right　between　our　lips；　each　time。　It's　everywhere；　it's　all　the　time；　it's　us。
　I　don't　know　what　the　game　was。　I'm　not　sure　how　it　should　be　played。　No　one　ever　tells　you。　I　only　know　we　must　have　played　it　wrong；　somewhere　along　the　way。　I　don't　even　know　what　the　stakes　are。　I　only　know　they're　not　for　us。
　We've　lost。　That's　all　I　know。　We've　lost。　And　now　the　game　is　through。
　
　



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