dclegg.purity-第13章
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he matches I had in England and out in California； and then she spent Spring Break in Aruba； so that last week in May was really our first full week together； which is why I took the Karenina out of the yacht club and we sailed lazily up and down the coast for a few days。 I was so pissed off at Dad over a lot of things。 First and foremost was the talk he gave me； about how I needed to uphold the family and how I needed to look at life differently； not as a kid but as someone who had responsibilities and wanted to live a certain way with certain kinds of people。 I didn't forget about Chip； but I guess that's one of those things I have to put aside。 My dad says so anyway。 Chip was really aggressive anyway； and the time we spent together wasn't really very meaningful because the whole time I kept thinking to myself： where will this go？ Two guys can't marry。 I'll lose everything。
And Chip was all about loins； anyway。 I shouldn't even write about it here。 What if someone finds out？ I'm not really gay anyway； I just get in these situations。 I suppose I fall in love with people。 And Chip turned out bad anyway。 All that mess about fighting and arguing and him claiming I broke his arm when I didn't break it and if he fell it was his fault anyway for standing in my way and not letting me pass。 He did that sort of blackmail thing too； but I showed him that I wasn't going to put up with that kind of shit。
I fell for Jenna pretty hard。 I mean； who wouldn't？ She's gorgeous and full of life and her brain is just amazing。 And the money。 To pretend it's not there is like not noticing her bra size。 All the guys seem to want her； and I really had to fight off that bulldog from Choate with the Ferrari； but it wasn't too hard to dazzle her on the courts。 She's a big fan of tennis； which helps； and that night we went for a walk back in the city really turned things around for me。 I mean； we were walking down Fifth Avenue； and she was talking about what she wanted from life； all the wonderful things； to see the world and experience the best of everything； and how her trust fund was huge and she intended to always have the life her parents had； and my mind was turning a hundred little things around。 I was walking with her under cloudy skies； and I was thinking about how this was right。 Being with Chip was wrong because it was based on that one thing； that physical thing； and I thought； all right； I know where this will go with Jenna。 We'll marry； we'll have children； we'll
build something really solid。 She has all this family land and properties and I'm really good at handling investments； so we'll be perfect together。 And she wants kids really badly。 So badly that she told me she wasn't even all that interested in college； and she wanted to just get out from under her parents and be on her own and make her own life。 She has millions from her grandmother； and it's earning more millions every year； she said； so why should she have to go through college？ She wanted to do some magazine work； one of those Conde Nast magazines； and her family has huge pull in that area； and she was smart enough。
It hardly bears parison with a night spent on a dirty mattress in the back of some studio apartment in Chelsea with Chip； who fell on hard times after prep school。 That sleaziness he had； like an air； like marijuana smoke in the back of a bus … that's what his place was like。 He was slumming； he was degrading himself。 His parents had cut him off； and he was willing to live like that。 Hardly any furniture； a job that barely paid him per month what a reasonable man can live on。 And still； he was willing to live like that for the sake of the feeling in his organ。 I am never going to let that happen to me。 I am never going to let people know how I am on the inside if I can help it。 I got so mad at Chip I guess I ended up roughing him up a little； but he kept trying to ruin things； and I just won't let anyone do that。 My dad is ruining things as it is； and pretty soon other people are going to know how he's ruining things； and I do not intend to be in that spot with him。
I remember clasping Jenna's hand； and listening to her optimistically go on about the life she intended for herself。
So I knew that if I just kept my eyes on her； it would all go in the right direction。
When we made love for the first time； it even felt right。 She was overheated on the inside； it was like lava or something； it felt so natural。
I thought it was all right up until I met Mooncalf。
I tried to fight it； too。 I looked at him and tried。 I tried not to look at his body。 So well developed。 The way he spoke； almost sullenly。 I didn't want him then； but I knew he had it in him to take me over。 And I suppose he has。
There's even a dangerousness to him I enjoy。 I find myself looking over Jenna's shoulder； when we're at the beach； or bicycling； hoping he's there； just out of reach。
And then； the party。 It was like waking up for the first time。 It was like knowing that I'd been telling myself lies for years。
That I'd been foolish and wrong。
Now； all I think about is Mooncalf and I wish we were in a different world； not one of secrets and half…truths； but one where we could just be together。
I know he feels the same。
I'm sleeping pretty much on the boat now。 I can't stay with Jenna。 Not in her room。 And her dad gives me those looks； which aren't pleasant； either。
Jenna's been cold。 Can't blame her。 I know somehow it will all turn out okay。 I know it will because I know life is not meant to be bad； and it's not meant to be confusing； and if we can all just get through this summer； it'll somehow work out because life is supposed to work out。
Sometimes； I get so lonely I want to just hold Jenna。 As a friend。
I want to see him again； but he's been avoiding me since the party。 I've had two weeks now； seeing Jenna and her family； playing a little golf； some tennis； taking the boat out when I can。 Jenna's been good about this even if she's turned icy。 She seems to handle my silences well。 She really is a friend。
I'm glad we can be this close and that she can be so understanding。
Most of the time； she seems to act as if the night of her party never happened； that I didn't go off with him。 She won't really understand what it means； anyway。 She'll think she'll know； but I'll let her know it was nothing。
I'll get her thinking about us again； which is what she really wants； anyway。
Chapter Seven
The hurricane approaches
1
There he is again： I see him。 That boy Owen。 He's been running down on the beach； swimming too much for his own good； working on his oxygen intake because breathing is the key； and he's felt a strength grow within him to match his body's power。
2
The weeks after the party went by in a blur of moments and flashes in his brain … the sky clouded and then became unbearably sunny； the humidity soared and then dropped and then soared again； a tropical storm to the south had been upgraded to a hurricane but it would not strike so far north as Outerbridge； and once； in the dead of night； Owen lay in bed convinced he'd heard a gun go off somewhere on the island。
August was like that sometimes。
3
〃Owen。 Why？〃
〃Why what？〃 he asked； shielding his eyes from the sun。
Jenna had emerged from the deck all wrapped in a big yellow towel； and yet to him it was as magnificent as a summer dress。 The smell of the pool was intoxicating。 He had just finished his morning laps； and felt cleaner and stronger。 Chlorine stank on his skin。 He looked up at her。 He wanted to kiss her； he wanted to touch her。 They stood so close。
〃Why the gun？〃
〃It's just a pistol。 It's an antique。〃
〃Why？〃
〃I thought you'd want it。 I thought you'd like it。〃
〃I'm not a fan of guns。〃
〃No one is。 But it has that inlay。 It's mother of pearl。 It seems feminine。〃
〃You must be out of your mind。 To give me that as a gift。 On my birthday。〃
〃It was my grandfather's。〃
〃Well； I'm giving it back。 God； I don't want it in the house； let alone in my hand。〃
〃You need protection。〃
〃From what？〃
〃Jimmy；〃 Owen said。 He sucked a breath in briefly。 It was time to let it begin。 He felt a curious shiver sweep through his body； as if he we
