tp.lightfantastic-第24章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ls　they　probably　don't　grow　like　that；　perhaps　peasants　or　whatever　use　onions　hounds　or　something；　or　ing　songs　to　attract　onions。
　There　were　a　few　early　stars　out　as　he　started　to　poke　aimlessly　among　the　leaves　and　grass。　Luminous　fungi；　unpleasantly　organic　and　looking　like　marital　aids　for　gnomes；　squished　under　his　feet。　Small　flying　things　bit　him。　Other　things；　fortunately　invisible；　hopped　or　slithered　away　under　the　bushes　and　croaked　reproachfully　at　him。
　'Onions？'　whispered　Rincewind。　'Any　onions　here？'
　'There's　a　patch　of　them　by　that　old　yew　tree；'　said　a　voice　beside　him。
　'Ah；'　said　Rincewind。　'Good。'
　There　was　a　long　silence；　except　for　the　buzzing　of　the　mosquitoes　around　Rincewind's　ears。
　He　was　standing　perfectly　still。　He　hadn't　even　moved　his　eyes。
　Eventually　he　said；　'Excuse　me。'
　'Yes？'
　'Which　one's　the　yew？'
　'Small　gnarly　one　with　the　little　dark　green　needles。'
　'Oh；　yes。　I　see　it。　Thanks　again。'
　He　didn't　move。　Eventually　the　voice　said　conversationally；　'Anything　more　I　can　do　for　you？'
　'You're　not　a　tree；　are　you？'　said　Rincewind；　still　staring　straight　ahead。
　'Don't　be　silly。　Trees　can't　talk。'
　'Sorry。　It's　just　that　I've　been　having　a　bit　of　difficulty　with　trees　lately；　you　know　how　it　is。'
　'Not　really。　I'm　a　rock。'
　Rincewind's　voice　hardly　changed。
　'Fine；　fine；'　he　said　slowly。　'Well；　I'll　just　be　getting　those　onions；　then。'
　'Enjoy　them。'
　He　walked　forward　in　a　careful　and　dignified　fashion；　spotted　a　clump　of　stringy　white　things　huddling　in　the　undergrowth；　uprooted　them　carefully；　and　turned　around。
　There　was　a　rock　a　little　way　away。　But　there　were　rocks　everywhere；　the　very　bones　of　the　Disc　were　near　he　surface　here。
　He　looked　hard　at　the　yew　tree；　just　in　case　it　had　been　speaking。　But　the　yew；　being　a　fairly　solitary　tree；　hadn't　heard　about　Rincewind　the　arborial　saviour；　and　in　any　case　was　asleep。
　'If　that　was　you；　Twoflower；　I　knew　it　was　you　all　along；'　said　Rincewind。　His　voice　sounded　suddenly　clear　and　very　alone　in　the　gathering　dusk。
　Rincewind　remembered　the　only　fact　he　knew　for　sure　about　trolls；　which　was　that　they　turned　to　stone　when　exposed　to　sunlight；　so　that　anyone　who　employed　trolls　to　work　during　daylight　had　to　spend　a　fortune　in　barrier　cream。
　But　now　that　he　came　to　think　about　it；　it　didn't　say　anywhere　what　happened　to　them　after　the　sun　had　gone　down　again　。　。　。
　The　last　of　the　daylight　trickled　out　of　the　landscape。　And　there　suddenly　seemed　to　be　a　great　many　rocks　about。
　

　'He's　an　awful　long　time　with　those　onions；'　said　Two…flower。　'Do　you　think　we'd　better　go　and　look　for　him？'
　'Wishards　know　how　to　look　after　themshelves；'　said　Cohen。　'Don't　worry。'　He　winced。　Bethan　was　cutting　his　toenails。
　'He's　not　a　terribly　good　wizard；　actually；'　said　Twoflower；　drawing　nearer　the　fire。　'I　wouldn't　say　this　to　his　face；　but'　…　he　leaned　towards　Cohen　…　'I've　never　actually　seen　him　do　any　magic。'
　'Right；　let's　have　the　other　one；'　said　Bethan。
　'Thish　is　very　kind　of　you。'
　'You'd　have　quite　nice　feet　if　only　you'd　look　after　them。'
　'Can't　sheem　to　bend　down　like　I　used　to；'　said　Cohen；　sheepishly。　'Of　courshe；　you　don't　get　to　meet　many　chiropodishts　in　my　line　of　work。　Funny；　really。　I've　met　any　amount　of　snake　prieshts；　mad　godsh；　warlordsh；　never　any　chiropodishts。　I　shupposhe　it　wouldn't　look　right；　really　…　Cohen　Against　the　Chiropodishts　。　。　。'
　'Or　Cohen　And　The　Chiropractors　of　Doom；'　suggested　Bethan。　Cohen　cackled。
　'Or　Cohen　And　The　Mad　Dentists！'　laughed　Twoflower。
　Cohen's　mouth　snapped　shut。
　'What'sh　sho　funny　about　that？'　he　asked；　and　his　voice　had　knuckles　in　it。
　'Oh；　er；　well；'　said　Twoflower。　Tour　teeth；　you　see　。　。　。'
　'What　about　them？'　snapped　Cohen。
　Twoflower　swallowed。　'I　can't　help　noticing　that　they're；　um；　not　in　the　same　geographical　location　as　your　mouth。'
　Cohen　glared　at　him。　Then　he　sagged；　and　looked　very　small　and　old。
　'True；　of　corsh；'　he　muttered。　'I　don't　blame　you。　It'sh　hard　to　be　a　hero　with　no　teethsh。　It　don't　matter　what　elsh　you　loosh；　you　can　get　by　with　one　eye　even；　but　you　show　'em　a　mouth　full　of　gumsh　and　no…one　hash　any　reshpect。'
　'I　do；'　said　Bethan　loyally。
　'Why　don't　you　get　some　more？'said　Twoflower　brightly。
　'Yesh；　well；　if　I　wash　a　shark　or　something；　yesh；　I'd　grow　shome；'　said　Cohen　sarcastically。
　'Oh；　no；　you　buy　them；'　said　Twoflower。　'Look；　I'll　show　you　…　er；　Bethan；　do　you　mind　looking　the　other　way？'　He　waited　until　she　had　turned　around　and　then　put　his　hand　to　his　mouth。
　'You　shee？'　he　said。
　Bethan　heard　Cohen　gasp。
　'You　can　take　yoursh　out？'
　'Oh　yesh。　I've　got　sheveral　shets。　Excushe　me…'　there　was　a　swallowing　noise；　and　then　in　a　more　normal　voice　Twoflower　said；　'It's　very　convenient；　of　course。'
　Cohen's　very　voice　radiated　awe；　or　as　much　awe　as　is　possible　without　teeth；　which　is　about　the　same　amount　as　with　teeth　but　sounds　a　great　deal　less　impressive。
　'I　should　think　show；'　he　said。　'When　they　ache；　you　jusht　take　them　out　and　let　them　get　on　with　it；　yesh？
　Teach　the　little　buggersh　a　lesshon；　shee　how　they　like　being　left　to　ache　all　by　themshelvesh！'
　That's　not　quite　right；'　said　Twoflower　carefully。　They're　not　mine；　they　just　belong　to　me。'
　'You　put　shomeone　elshe's　teethsh　in　your　mouth？'
　'No；　someone　made　them；　lots　of　people　wear　them　where　I　e　from；　it's　a…'
　But　Twoflower's　lecture　on　dental　appliances　went　ungiven；　because　somebody　hit　him。
　

　The　Disc's　little　moon　toiled　across　the　sky。　It　shone　by　its　own　light；　owing　to　the　cramped　and　rather　inefficient　astronomical　arrangements　made　by　the　Creator；　and　was　quite　crowded　with　assorted　lunar　goddesses　who　were　not；　at　this　particular　time；　paying　much　attention　to　what　went　on　in　the　Disc　but　were　getting　up　a　petition　about　the　Ice　Giants。
　Had　they　looked　down；　they　would　have　seen　Rincewind　talking　urgently　to　a　bunch　of　rocks。
　Trolls　are　one　of　the　oldest　lifeforms　in　the　multiverse；　dating　from　an　early　attempt　to　get　the　whole　life　thing　on　the　road　without　all　that　squashy　protoplasm。　Individual　trolls　live　for　a　long　time；　hibernating　during　the　summertime　and　sleeping　during　the　day；　since　heat　affects　them　and　makes　them　slow。　They　have　a　fascinating　geology。　One　could　talk　about　tribology；　one　could　mention　the　semiconductor　effects　of　impure　silicon；　one　could　talk　about　the　giant　trolls　of　prehistory　who　make　up　most　of　the　Disc's　major　mountain　ranges　and　will　cause　some　real　problems　if　they　ever　awake；　but　the　plain　fact　is　that　without　the　Disc's　powerful　and　pervasive　magical　field　trolls　would　have　died　out　a　long　time　ago。
　Psychiatry　hadn't　been　invented　on　the　Disc。　No…one　had　ever　shoved　an　inkblot　under　Rincewind's　nose　to　see　if　he　had　any　loose　toys　in　the　attic。　So　the　only　way　he'd　have　been　able　to　describe　the　rocks　turning　back　into　rolls　was　by　gabbling　vaguely　about　how　pictures　suddenly　form　when　you　look　at　the　fire；　or　clouds。
　One　minute　there'd　be　a　perfectly　ordinary　rock；　and　suddenly　a　few　cracks　that　had　been　there　all　along　took　on　the　definite　appearance　of　a　mouth　or　a　pointed　ear。　A　moment　later；　and　without　anything　actually　changing　at　all；　a　troll　would　be　sitting　there；　grinning　at　him　with　a　mouth　full　of　diamonds。
　They　wouldn't　be　able　to　digest　me；　he　told　himself。　I'd　make　them　awfully　ill。
　It　wasn't　much　of　a　fort。
　'So　you're　Rincewind　the　wizard；'　said　the　nearest　one。　It　sounded　like　someone　running　over　gravel。　'I　dunno。　I　thought　you'd　be　taller。'
　'Perhaps　he's　eroded　a　bit；'　said　another　one。　'The　legend　is　awfully　old。'
　Rincewind　shifted　awkwardly。　He　was　pretty　certain　the　rock　he　was　sitting　on　was　changing　shape；　and　a　tiny　troll　…　hardly　any　more　than　a　pebble　…　was　sitting　panionably　on　his　foot　and　watching　him　with　extreme　interest。
　'Legend？'　he　said。　'What　legend？'
　'It's　been　handed　down　from　mountain　to　gravel　since　the　sunset＇3＇　of　time；'　said　the　first　troll。　'　〃When　the　red　star　lights　the　sky　Rincewind　the　wizard　will　e　looking　for　onions。　Do　not　bite　him。　It　is　very　important　that　you　help　him　stay　alive。〃　'
　There　was　a　pause。
　'That's　it？'　said　Rincew