mck.harpistinthewind-第51章
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held against his heart。 He could not speak； he did not know what language of light and darkness the falcon who had so ruthlessly fashioned his life would hear。 He thought numbly of Hed； it seemed to lay where his heart lay； under his hands。 Then the High One knelt in front of him； lifted Morgon's face between his hands。 His eyes were the harpist's； night…dark； and no longer silent but full of pain。
〃Morgon；〃 he whispered； 〃I wish you had not been someone I loved so。〃
He put his arms around Morgon； held him as fiercely as the falcon had held him。 He circled Morgon with his silence； until Morgon felt that his heart and the tower walls and the starred night sky beyond were built not of blood and stone and air； but of the harpist's stillness。 He was still crying noiselessly； afraid to touch the harpist； as if he might somehow change shape again。 Something hard and angled； like grief； was pushing into his chest； into his throat； but it was not grief。 He said； above its pain； feeling the High One's pain as one thing he could prehend； 〃What happened to your son？〃
〃He was destroyed in the war。 The power was stripped from him。 He could no longer live。。。 He gave you the starred sword。〃
〃And you。。。 you have been alone since then。 Without an heir。 With only a promise。〃
〃Yes。 I have lived in secret for thousands of years with nothing to hope in but a promise。 A dead child's dream。 And then you came。 Morgon； I did anything I had to do to keep you alive。 Anything。 You were all my hope。〃
〃You are giving me even the wastelands。 I loved them。 I loved them。 And the mists of Herun； the vesta； the backlands。。。 I was afraid； when I realized how much I loved them。 I was drawn to every shape； and I couldn't stop myself from wanting。。。〃 The pain broke through his chest like a blade。 He drew a harsh； terrible breath。 〃All I wanted from you was truth。 I didn't know 。。。 I didn't know you would give me everything I have ever loved。〃
He could not speak any more。 Sobbing wrenched him until he did not know if he could endure his own shape。 But the High One held him to it； soothing him with his hands and his voice until Morgon quieted。 He still could not speak； he listened to the winds whispering through the tower； to the occasional patter of rain on the stones。 His face was bowed against the High One's shoulder。 He was silent； resting in the High One's silence； until his voice came again； hoarse； weary； calmer。
〃I never guessed。 You never let me see that far beyond my anger。〃
〃I didn't dare let you see too much。 Your life was in such danger； and you were so precious to me。 I kept you alive any way I could； using myself； using your ignorance； even your hatred。 I did not know if you would ever forgive me； but all the hope of the realm lay in you； and I needed you powerful； confused； always searching for me； yet never finding me； though I was always near you 。。。〃
〃I told 。。。 I told Raederle if I came back out of the wastes to play a riddle…game with you that I would lose。〃
〃No。 You startled the truth out of me in Herun。 I lost to you； there。 I could endure everything from you but your gentleness。〃 His hand smoothed Morgon's hair； then dropped to hold him tightly again。 〃You and the Morgol kept my heart from turning into stone。 I was forced to turn everything I had ever said to her into a lie。 And you turned it back into truth。 You were that generous with someone you hated。〃
〃All I wanted； even when I hated you most； was some poor； barren； parched excuse to love you。 But you only gave me riddles。。。 When I thought Ghisteslwchlohm had killed you； I grieved without knowing why。 When I was in the northern wastes； harping to the winds； too tired even to think； it was you who drew me out。。。 You gave me a reason for living。〃 His hands had opened slowly。 He raised one； almost tentatively； to the High One's shoulder and shifted back a little。 Something of his own weariness showed in his eyes； and the endless； terrible patience that had kept him alive so long； alone and unnamed； hunted by his own kind in the world of men。 Morgon's head bowed again after a moment。
〃Even I tried to kill you。〃
The harpist's fingers touched his cheekbone； drew the hair back from his eyes。 〃You kept my enemies from suspecting me very effectively； but Morgon； if you had not stopped yourself that day in Anuin； I don't know what I would have done。 If I had used power to stop you； neither of us would have lived too long afterward。 If I had let you kill me； out of despair； because we had brought one another to such an impasse； the power passing into you would have destroyed you。 So I gave you a riddle； hoping you would consider that instead。〃
〃You knew me that well；〃 he whispered。
〃No。 You constantly surprised me 。。。 from the very first。 I am as old as the stones on this plain。 The great cities the Earth…Masters built were shattered by a war that no man could have survived。 It was born out of a kind of innocence。 We held so much power； and yet we did not understand the implications of power。 That's why； even if you hated me for it； I wanted you to understand Ghisteslwchlohm and how he destroyed himself。 We lived so peacefully once； in these great cities。 They were open to every change of wind。 Our faces changed with every season； we took knowledge from all things： from the silence of the backlands to the burning ice sweeping across the northern wastes。 We did not realize； until it was too late； that the power inherent in every stone； every movement of water； holds both existence and destruction。〃 He paused； no longer seeing Morgon； tasting a bitter word。 〃The woman you know as Eriel was the first of us to begin to gather power。 And I was the first to see the implications of power。。。 that paradox that tempers wizardry and pelled the study of riddlery。 So； I made a choice； and began binding all earth…shapes to me by their own laws； permitting nothing to disturb that law。 But I had to fight to keep the land…law； and we learned what war is then。 The realm as you know it would not have lasted two days in the force of those battles。 We razed our own cities。 We destroyed one another。 We destroyed our children； drew the power even out of them。 I had already learned to master the winds； which was the only thing that saved me。 I was able to bind the power of the last of the Earth…Masters so they could use little beyond the power they were born to。 I swept them into the sea while the earth slowly healed itself。 I buried our children； then。 The Earth…Masters broke out of the sea eventually； but they could not break free of my hold over them。 And they could never find me； because the winds hid me； always。。。
〃But I am very old； and I cannot hold them much longer。 They know that。 I was old even when I became a wizard named Yrth so that I could fashion the harp and the sword that my heir would need。 Ghisteslwchlohm learned of the Star…Bearer from the dead of Isig； and he became one more enemy lured by the promise of enormous power。 He thought that if he controlled the Star…Bearer； he could assimilate the power the Star…Bearer would inherit and bee the High One in more than name。 It would have killed him； but I did not bother explaining that to him。 When I realized he was waiting for you； I watched him in Lungold； and later in Erlenstar Mountain。 I took the shape of a harpist who had died during the destruction and entered his service。 I wanted no harm to e to you without my consent。 When I found you at last； sitting on the dock at Tol； oblivious of your own destiny； content to rule Hed； with a harp in your hands you could barely play and the crown of the Kings of Aum under your bed； I realized that the last thing I had been expecting after all those endless； lonely centuries was someone I might love。。。〃 He paused again； his face blurred into pale； silvery lines by Morgon's tears。 〃Hed。 No wonder that land shaped the Star…Bearer out of itself； a loving Prince of Hed； ruler of ignorant； stubborn farmers who believed in nothing but the High One 。。。〃
〃I am hardly more than that now。。。 ignorant and thick…skulled。 Have I destroyed us both by ing here to find you？〃
〃No。 This is
