tw.theburningman-第12章
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'Who is there？' he asked； and I heard his voice in the chamber of my skull rather than in my ears。 'Who walks the Road of Dreams？' The apparition lifted a hand as though he might reach through the years and touch us。 For a moment； astonishment pushed the agony from his odd face。 'You are mortals！ But why do you e to me？ Why do you disturb the sleep of Hakatri of the House of Year…Dancing？'
'I am Sulis。' The tremble in my stepfather's voice made him seem an old； old man。 'Called by some 〃the Apostate〃。 I have risked everything I own … have spent years studying … to ask a question which only the Peaceful Ones can answer。 Will you help me？'
The burning man did not seem to be listening。 His mouth twisted again； and this time his cry of pain had sound。 I tried to stop my ears； but it was already inside my head。 'Ah； it burns！' he moaned。 'Still the worm's blood burns me … even when I sleep。 Even when I walk the Road of Dreams！' 'The worm's blood 。。。 ？' My stepfather was puzzled。 'A dragon？ What are you saying？'
'She was like a great black snake'； Hakatri murmured。 'My brother and I； we followed her into her deep place and we fought her and slew her； but I have felt her scorching blood upon me and will never be at peace again。 By the Garden； it pains me so！' He made a choking sound； then fell silent for a moment。 'Both our swords bit'； he said； and it was almost a chant； a song； 'but my brother Ineluki was the fortunate one。 He escaped a terrible burning。 Black； black it was； that ichor； and hotter than even the flames of Making！ I fear death itself could not ease this agony 。。。〃
'Be silent！' Sulis thundered； full of rage and misery。 'Witch； is this spell for nothing？ Why will he not listen to me？'
'There is no spell； except that which opens the doorway'； she replied。
'Hakatri perhaps came to that doorway because of how the dragon's blood burned him … there is nothing else in all the world like the blood of the great worms。 His wounds keep him always close to the Road of Dreams； I think。Ask him your question； Nabban…man。 He is as like to answer it as any other of the immortals you might have found。'
I could feel it now … could feel the weird that had brought us here take us all in its grip。 I held my breath； caught between a terror that blew like a cold wind inside my head； that screamed at me to leave Tellarin andeverything else and run away； and a fierce wondering about what had brought my stepfather to this impossibly strange meeting。
Lord Sulis tilted his chin down towards his chest for a moment though now the time had e； he was uncertain of what he wished to say。 At last he spoke； quaveringly at first； but with greater strength as he went on。
'Our church teaches us that God appeared in this world； wearing the form of Usires Aedon； performing many miracles； singing up cures for the sick and lame； until at last the Imperator Crexis caused him to be hung from the Execution Tree。 Do you know of this； Hakatri？'
The burning man's blind eyes rolled towards Sulis again。 He did not answer； but he seemed to be listening。
'The promise of the Aedon the Ransomer is that all who live will be gathered up … that there will be no death；' my stepfather continued。 'And this is proved because he was God made flesh in this world； and that is proved because of the miracles he performed。 But I have studied much about your own people； Hakatri。 Such miracles as Usires the Aedon performed could have been done by one of your Sithi people； or even perhaps by one of only half…immortal blood。' His smile was as bleak as a skull's。 'After all； even my fiercest critics in Mother Church agree that Usires had no human father。'
Sulis bowed his head again for a moment； summoning up words or strength。 I gasped for air … I had forgotten to breathe。 Avalles and Tellarin still stared； their fear now mixed with astonishment； but the witch Valada's face was hidden from me in shadow。
'Both my wives have been taken from me by death； both untimely；' my stepfather said。 'My first wife gave me a son before she died； a beautiful boy named Sarellis who died himself in screaming pain because he stepped on a horseshoe nail … a nail！ … and caught a death fever。 Young men I have manded were slaughtered in the hundreds； the thousands； their corpses piled on the battlefield like the husks of locusts； and all for a small stretch of land here or there； or sometimes merely over words。 My parents are dead； too； with too much unspoken between us。 Everyone I ever truly loved has been stolen from me by death。'
His hoarse voice had taken on a disturbing force； a cracked power； as though he meant to shout down the walls of Heaven itself。
'Mother Church tells me to believe that I will be reunited with them； he said。 They preach to me； saying； 〃See the works of Usires our Lord and be forted； for his task was to show death should hold no fear； they told me。 But I cannot be sure … I cannot simply trust！ Is the church right？ Will I see those I love again？ Will we all live on？ The masters of the church have called me a heretic and declared me apostate because I would not give up doubting the divinity of the Aedon； but I must know！ Tell me； Hakatri； was Usires of your folk？ Is the story of his godhood simply a lie to keep us happy； to keep priests fat and rich？' He blinked back tears； his stolid face transfigured by rage and pain。 'Even if God should damn me for ever to hell for it； still I must know … is our faith a lie？'
He was shaking so badly now that he took a staggering step back from the fire and almost fell。 No one moved except the man in the flames； who followed SuIis with his blank； dark eyes。
I realized that I was weeping too； and silently rubbed the tears away。
Seeing my stepfather's true and terrible pain was like a knife twisted inside me； and yet I was angry too。 All for this？ For such unknowable things he left my mother lonely； and now had nearly destroyed his own life？ After a long time in which all was silent as the stone around us； Hakatri said slowly； 'Always you mortals have tortured yourselves。' He blinked； and the way his face moved was so alien that I had to turn away and then look at him anew before I could understand what he said。 'But you torture yourself most when you seek answers to things that have none。' 'No answers？' Sulis was still shaking。 'How can that be？' The burning man raised his long…fingered hands in what I could only guess was a gesture of peace。 'Because that which is meant for mortals is not given to the Zida'ya to know； any more than you can know of our Garden； or where we go when we leave this place。
Listen to me； mortal。 What if your messiah were indeed one of the Dawn Children … would that prove somehow that your God had not chosen that to happen？ Would that prove your Ransomer's words any the less true？'
Hakarti shook his head with the weird； foreign grace of a shorebird。
'Just tell me whether Usires was one of your folk；' Sulis demanded raggedly。 'Spare me your philosophies and tell me！ For I am burning too！ I have not been free of the pain in years！'
As the echoes of my stepfather's cry faded； the fairy…lord in his ring of black flames paused； and for the first time he seemed truly to see across the gulf。 When he spoke； his voice was full of sadness。
'We Zida'ya know little of the doings of mortals； and there are some of our own blood who have fallen away from us； and whose works are hidden from us as well。 I do not think your Usires Aedon was one of the Dawn Children； but more than that I cannot tell you； mortal man； nor could any of my folk。' He lifted his hands again； weaving the fingers in an intricate； inprehensible gesture。 'I am sorry。'
A great shudder ran through the creature called Hakatri then … perhaps the pain of his burns returning； a pain that he had somehow held atbay while he listened to my stepfather speak。 Sulis did not wait to hear more； but stepped forward and kicked the witchwood fire into a cloud of whirling sparks； then dropped to his knees with his hands over his face。
The burning man was gone。
After a march of silence that se
