tw.theburningman-第1章
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Years and years later； I still start in the deepest part of night with his agonized face before me。 And always； in these helpless dreams； I am helpless to ease his suffering。
I will tell the tale then； in hope the last ghosts may be put to rest； if such a thing can ever happen in this place where there are more ghosts than living souls。 But you will have to listen closely … this is a tale that the teller herself does not fully understand。
I will tell you of Lord Sulis； my famous stepfather。
I will tell you what the witch foretold to me。
I will tell you of the love that I had and I lost。
I will tell you of the night I saw the burning man。
Tellarin gifted me with small things； but they were not small to me。 My lover brought me sweetmeats； and laughed to see me eat them so greedily。
'Ah； little Breda；' he told me。 'It is strange and wonderful that a mere soldier should have to smuggle honeyed figs to a king's daughter。 And then he kissed me； put his rough face against me and kissed me and that was a sweeter thing than any fig that God ever made。
But Sulis was not truly a king； nor was I his true daughter。
Tellarin was not wrong about everything。 The gladness I felt when I saw my soldier or heard him whistling below the window was strange and wonderful indeed。
My true father； the man from whose loins I sprang； died in the cold waters of the Kingslake when I was very small。 His panions said that a great pikefish became caught in the nets and dragged my father Ricwald to a drowning death； but others whispered that it was his panions themselves who murdered him； then weighted his body with stones。 Everyone knew that my father would have been gifted with the standard and spear of Great Thane when all the thanes of the Lake People next met。 His father and uncle had both been Great Thane before him； so some whispered that God had struck down my poor father because one family should not hold power so long。 Others believed that my father's panions on the boat had simply been paid shame…gold to drown him； to satisfy the ambition of one of the other families。
I know these things only from my mother Cynethrith's stories。 She was young when my father died； and had two small children … me； not yet five years old； and my brother Aelfric； two years my elder。 Together we went to live in the house of my father's father because we were the last of his line； and among the Lake People of Erkynland it was blood of high renown。 But it was not a happy house。 Godric； my grandfather； had himself been Great Thane for twice ten years before illness ended his rule； and he had high hopes that my father would follow him； but after my father died； Godric had to watch a man from one of the other families chosen to carry the spear and standard instead。 From that moment； everything that happened in the world only seemed to prove to my grandfather that the best days of Erkynland and the Lake People had passed。
Godric died before I reached seven years； but he made those years between my father's death and his own very unhappy ones for my mother； with many plaints and sharp rebukes at how she managed the household and how she raised Aelfric and me； his dead son's only children。 My grandfather spent much time with Aelfric； trying to make him the kind of man who would bring the spear and standard back to our family； but my brother was small and timid … it must have been clear he would never rule more than his own household。 This Godric blamed on my mother； saying she had taught the boy womanish ways。
Grandfather was less interested in me。 He was never cruel to me； only fierce and short…spoken； but he was such a frightening figure； with bristling white beard； growling voice； and several missing fingers； that I could never do anything but shrink from him。 If that was another reason he found little savour in life； then I am sorry for it now。
In any case； my mother's widowhood was a sad； bitter time for her。 From mistress of her own house； and prospective wife of the Great Thane； she now became only one of three grown daughters in the house of a sour old man； for one of my father's sisters had also lost her husband； and the youngest had been kept at home； unmarried； to care for her father in his dotage。
I believe that had even the humblest of fishermen courted my mother； she would have looked upon him kindly； as long as he had a house of his own and no living relatives。 But instead a man who has made the entire age tremble came to call。
'What is he like？' Tellarin once asked me。 'Tell me about your stepfather。'
'He is your lord and mander' I smiled。 'What can I tell you that you do not know？'
Tell me what he says when he is in his house； at his table； what he does。' Tellarin looked at me then； his long face suddenly boyish and surprised。 'Hah！ It feels like sacrilege even to wonder！'
'He is just a man'； I told him； and rolled my eyes。 Such silly things men feel about other men … that this one is so large and important； while they themselves are so small！ 'He eats； he sleeps； he breaks wind。 When my mother was alive； she used to say that he took up more room in a bed than any three others might； because he thrashed so； and talked aloud in his sleep。' I made my stepfather sound ordinary on purpose； because I did not like it when Tellarin seemed as interested in him as he was in me。
My Nabbanai soldier became serious then。 'How it must have grieved him when your mother died。 He must have loved her very much。'
As if it had not grieved me！ I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes again； and instead told him； with all the certainty of youth； 'I do not think he loved her at all。'
My mother once said that when my stepfather and his household first appeared across the meadowlands； riding north towards the Kingslake； it was as though the heavenly host itself had descended to earth。 Trumpets heralded their approach； drawing people from every town as though to witness a pilgrimage passing； or the procession of a saint's relic。 The knights' armour and lances were polished to a sparkle； and their lord's heron crest gleamed in gold thread on all the tall banners。 Even the horses of the Nabban…men were larger and prouder than our poor Erkynlandish ponies。 The small army was followed by sheep and cattle in herds； and by dozens and dozens of wagons and oxcarts； a train so vast that their rutted path is still visible on the face of the land threescore years later。
I was a child； though； and saw none of it … not then。 Within my grandfather's hall； I heard only rumours； things whispered by my aunts and my mother over their sewing。 The powerful lord who had e was a Nabbanai nobleman； they reported； called by many Sulis the Apostate。 He claimed that he came in peace； and wanted only to make a home for himself here beside the Kingslake。 He was an exile from his own country … a heretic； some claimed； driven forth by the Lector under threat of exmunication because of his impertinent questions about the life of Usires Aedon； our blessed Ransomer。 No； he had been forced from his home by the conniving of the escritors； said others。 Angering a churchman is like treading on a serpent； they said。
Mother Church still had an unsolid grip on Erkynland in those days； and even though most had been baptized into the Aedonite faith； very few of the Lake People trusted the Sancellan Aedonitis。 Many called it 'that hive of priests'； and said that its chief aim was not God's work； but increasing its own power。
Many still think so； but they no longer speak ill of the church where strangers can hear them。
I know far more of these things today than I did when they happened。 I understand much and much； now that I am old and everyone in my story is dead。 Of course； I am not the first to have travelled this particular sad path。 Understanding always es too late； I think。
Lord Sulis had indeed fallen out with the church； and in Nabban the church and the state were so closely tied； he had made an enemy of the Imperator in the Sancellan Mahistrevis as well； but so powerful and important was the family of my stepfather
