pgw.psmith,journalist-第39章

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　rade　Wilberfloss　is　once　more　doing　stunts　at　the　old　stand。　You　may　speak　as　freely　before　him　as　you　would　before　well；　let　us　say　rade　Parker。〃
　〃Who　are　you；　then；　if　this　gentleman　is　the　editor？〃
　〃I　am　the　proprietor。〃
　〃I　understood　that　a　Mr。　White　was　the　proprietor。〃
　〃Not　so；〃　said　Psmith。　〃There　was　a　time　when　that　was　the　case；　but　not　now。　Things　move　so　swiftly　in　New　York　journalistic　matters　that　a　man　may　well　be　excused　for　not　keeping　abreast　of　the　times；　especially　one　who；　like　yourself；　is　interested　in　politics　and　house…ownership　rather　than　in　literature。　Are　you　sure　you　won't　sit　down？〃
　Mr。　Waring　brought　his　hand　down　with　a　bang　on　the　table；　causing　Mr。　Wilberfloss　to　leap　a　clear　two　inches　from　his　chair。
　〃What　are　you　doing　it　for？〃　he　demanded　explosively。　〃I　tell　you；　you　had　better　quit　it。　It　isn't　healthy。〃
　Psmith　shook　his　head。
　〃You　are　merely　stating　in　otherand；　if　I　may　say　so；　inferiorwords　what　rade　Parker　said　to　us。　I　did　not　object　to　giving　up　valuable　time　to　listen　to　rade　Parker。　He　is　a　fascinating　conversationalist；　and　it　was　a　privilege　to　hob…nob　with　him。　But　if　you　are　merely　intending　to　cover　the　ground　covered　by　him；　I　fear　I　must　remind　you　that　this　is　one　of　our　busy　days。　Have　you　no　new　light　to　fling　upon　the　subject？〃
　Mr。　Waring　wiped　his　forehead。　He　was　playing　a　lost　game；　and　he　was　not　the　sort　of　man　who　plays　lost　games　well。　The　Waring　type　is　dangerous　when　it　is　winning；　but　it　is　apt　to　crumple　up　against　strong　defence。
　His　next　words　proved　his　demoralisation。
　〃I'll　sue　you　for　libel；〃　said　he。
　Psmith　looked　at　him　admiringly。
　〃Say　no　more；〃　he　said；　〃for　you　will　never　beat　that。　For　pure　richness　and　whimsical　humour　it　stands　alone。　During　the　past　seven　weeks　you　have　been　endeavouring　in　your　cheery　fashion　to　blot　the　editorial　staff　of　this　paper　off　the　face　of　the　earth　in　a　variety　of　ingenious　and　entertaining　ways；　and　now　you　propose　to　sue　us　for　libel！　I　wish　rade　Windsor　could　have　heard　you　say　that。　It　would　have　hit　him　right。〃
　Mr。　Waring　accepted　the　invitation　he　had　refused　before。　He　sat　down。
　〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃　he　said。
　It　was　the　white　flag。　The　fight　had　gone　out　of　him。
　Psmith　leaned　back　in　his　chair。
　〃I'll　tell　you；〃　he　said。　〃I've　thought　the　whole　thing　out。　The　right　plan　would　be　to　put　the　plete　kybosh　（if　I　may　use　the　expression）　on　your　chances　of　being　an　alderman。　On　the　other　hand；　I　have　been　studying　the　papers　of　late；　and　it　seems　to　me　that　it　doesn't　much　matter　who　gets　elected。　Of　course　the　opposition　papers　may　have　allowed　their　zeal　to　run　away　with　them；　but　even　assuming　that　to　be　the　case；　the　other　candidates　appear　to　be　a　pretty　fair　contingent　of　blighters。　If　I　were　a　native　of　New　York；　perhaps　I　might　take　a　more　fervid　interest　in　the　matter；　but　as　I　am　merely　passing　through　your　beautiful　little　city；　it　doesn't　seem　to　me　to　make　any　very　substantial　difference　who　gets　in。　To　be　absolutely　candid；　my　view　of　the　thing　is　this。　If　the　People　are　chumps　enough　to　elect　you；　then　they　deserve　you。　I　hope　I　don't　hurt　your　feelings　in　any　way。　I　am　merely　stating　my　own　individual　opinion。〃
　Mr。　Waring　made　no　remark。
　〃The　only　thing　that　really　interests　me；〃　resumed　Psmith；　〃is　the　matter　of　these　tenements。　I　shall　shortly　be　leaving　this　country　to　resume　the　strangle…hold　on　Learning　which　I　relinquished　at　the　beginning　of　the　Long　Vacation。　If　I　were　to　depart　without　bringing　off　improvements　down　Pleasant　Street　way；　I　shouldn't　be　able　to　enjoy　my　meals。　The　startled　cry　would　go　round　Cambridge：　'Something　is　the　matter　with　Psmith。　He　is　off　his　feed。　He　should　try　Blenkinsop's　Balm　for　the　Bilious。'　But　no　balm　would　do　me　any　good。　I　should　simply　droop　and　fade　slowly　away　like　a　neglected　lily。　And　you　wouldn't　like　that；　rade　Wilberfloss；　would　you？〃
　Mr。　Wilberfloss；　thus　suddenly　pulled　into　the　conversation；　again　leaped　in　his　seat。
　〃What　I　propose　to　do；〃　continued　Psmith；　without　waiting　for　an　answer；　〃is　to　touch　you　for　the　good　round　sum　of　five　thousand　and　three　dollars。〃
　Mr。　Waring　half　rose。
　〃Five　thousand　dollars！〃
　〃Five　thousand　and　three　dollars；〃　said　Psmith。　〃It　may　possibly　have　escaped　your　memory；　but　a　certain　minion　of　yours；　one　J。　Repetto；　utterly　ruined　a　practically　new　hat　of　mine。　If　you　think　that　I　can　afford　to　e　to　New　York　and　scatter　hats　about　as　if　they　were　mere　dross；　you　are　making　the　culminating　error　of　a　misspent　life。　Three　dollars　are　what　I　need　for　a　new　one。　The　balance　of　your　cheque；　the　five　thousand；　I　propose　to　apply　to　making　those　tenements　fit　for　a　tolerably　fastidious　pig　to　live　in。〃
　〃Five　thousand！〃　cried　Mr。　Waring。　〃It's　monstrous。〃
　〃It　isn't；〃　said　Psmith。　〃It's　more　or　less　of　a　minimum。　I　have　made　inquiries。　So　out　with　the　good　old　cheque…book；　and　let's　all　be　jolly。〃
　〃I　have　no　cheque…book　with　me。〃
　〃_I_　have；〃　said　Psmith；　producing　one　from　a　drawer。　〃Cross　out　the　name　of　my　bank；　substitute　yours；　and　fate　cannot　touch　us。〃
　Mr。　Waring　hesitated　for　a　moment；　then　capitulated。　Psmith　watched；　as　he　wrote；　with　an　indulgent　and　fatherly　eye。
　〃Finished？〃　he　said。　〃rade　Maloney。〃
　〃Youse　hollering　fer　me？〃　asked　that　youth；　appearing　at　the　door。
　〃Bet　your　life　I　am；　rade　Maloney。　Have　you　ever　seen　an　untamed　mustang　of　the　prairie？〃
　〃Nope。　But　I've　read　about　dem。〃
　〃Well；　run　like　one　down　to　Wall　Street　with　this　cheque；　and　pay　it　in　to　my　account　at　the　International　Bank。〃
　Pugsy　disappeared。
　〃Cheques；〃　said　Psmith；　〃have　been　known　to　be　stopped。　Who　knows　but　what；　on　reflection；　you　might　not　have　changed　your　mind？〃
　〃What　guarantee　have　I；〃　asked　Mr。　Waring；　〃that　these　attacks　on　me　in　your　paper　will　stop？〃
　〃If　you　like；〃　said　Psmith；　〃I　will　write　you　a　note　to　that　effect。　But　it　will　not　be　necessary。　I　propose；　with　rade　Wilberfloss's　assistance；　to　restore　Cosy　Moments　to　its　old　style。　Some　days　ago　the　editor　of　rade　Windsor's　late　daily　paper　called　up　on　the　telephone　and　asked　to　speak　to　him。　I　explained　the　painful　circumstances；　and；　later；　went　round　and　hob…nobbed　with　the　great　man。　A　very　pleasant　fellow。　He　asks　to　re…engage　rade　Windsor's　services　at　a　pretty　sizeable　salary；　so；　as　far　as　our　prison　expert　is　concerned；　all　may　be　said　to　be　well。　He　has　got　where　he　wanted。　Cosy　Moments　may　therefore　ease　up　a　bit。　If；　at　about　the　beginning　of　next　month；　you　should　hear　a　deafening　squeal　of　joy　ring　through　this　city；　it　will　be　the　infants　of　New　York　and　their　parents　receiving　the　news　that　Cosy　Moments　stands　where　it　did。　May　I　count　on　your　services；　rade　Wilberfloss？　Excellent。　I　see　I　may。　Then　perhaps　you　would　not　mind　passing　the　word　round　among　rades　Asher；　Waterman；　and　the　rest　of　the　squad；　and　telling　them　to　burnish　their　brains　and　be　ready　to　wade　in　at　a　moment's　notice。　I　fear　you　will　have　a　pretty　tough　job　roping　in　the　old　subscribers　again；　but　it　can　be　done。　I　look　to　you；　rade　Wilberfloss。　Are　you　on？〃
　Mr。　Wilberfloss；　wriggling　in　his　chair；　intimated　that　he　was。
　
　CONCLUSION
　
　IT　was　a　drizzly　November　evening。　The　streets　of　Cambridge　were　a　pound　of　mud；　mist；　and　melancholy。　But　in　Psmith's　rooms　the　fire　burned　brightly；　the　kettle　droned；　and　all；　as　the　proprietor　had　just　observed；　was　joy；　jollity；　and　song。　Psmith；　in　pyjamas　and　a　college　blazer；　was　lying　on　the　sofa。　Mike；　who　had　been　playing　football；　was　reclining　in　a　atose　state　in　an　arm…chair　by　the　fire。
　〃How　pleasant　it　would　be；〃　said　Psmith　dreamily；　〃if　all　our　friends　on　the　other　side　of　the　Atlantic　could　share　this　very　peaceful　moment　with　us！　Or　perhaps　not　quite　all。　Let　us　say；　rade　Windsor　in　the　chair　over　there；　rades　Brady　and　Maloney　on　the　table；　and　our　old　pal　Wilberfloss　sharing　the　floor　with　B。　Henderson　Asher；　Bat　Jarvis；　and　the　cats。　By　the　way；　I　think　it　would　be　a　graceful　act　if　you　were　to　write　to　rade　Jarvis　from　time　to　time　telling　him　how　your　Angoras　are　getting　on。　He　regards　you　as　the　World's　Most　Prominent　Citizen。　A　line　from　you　every　now　and　then　would　sweeten　the　lad's　existence。〃