pgw.psmith,journalist-第37章
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Mr。 Long Otto。 Both of Groome Street。〃
The two Bowery boys rose awkwardly。 The cats fell in an avalanche to the floor。 Long Otto; in his haste; trod on the dog; which began barking; a process which it kept up almost without a pause during the rest of the interview。
〃Mr。 Wilberfloss;〃 said Psmith in an aside to Bat; 〃is widely known as a cat fancier in Brooklyn circles。〃
〃Honest?〃 said Mr。 Jarvis。 He tapped Mr。 Wilberfloss in friendly fashion on the chest。 〃Say;〃 he asked; 〃did youse ever have a cat wit one blue and one yellow eye?〃
Mr。 Wilberfloss side…stepped and turned once more to Psmith; who was offering B。 Henderson Asher a cigarette。
〃Who are you?〃 he demanded。
〃Who am I?〃 repeated Psmith in an astonished tone。
〃Who are you?〃
〃I am Psmith;〃 said the old Etonian reverently。 〃There is a preliminary P before the name。 This; however; is silent。 Like the tomb。 pare such words as ptarmigan; psalm; and phthisis。〃
〃These gentlemen tell me you're acting editor。 Who appointed you?〃
Psmith reflected。
〃It is rather a nice point;〃 he said。 〃It might be claimed that I appointed myself。 You may say; however; that rade Windsor appointed me。〃
〃Ah! And where is Mr。 Windsor?〃
〃In prison;〃 said Psmith sorrowfully。
〃In prison!〃
Psmith nodded。
〃It is too true。 Such is the generous impulsiveness of rade Windsor's nature that he hit a policeman; was promptly gathered in; and is now serving a sentence of thirty days on Blackwell's Island。〃
Mr。 Wilberfloss looked at Mr。 Philpotts。 Mr。 Asher looked at Mr。 Wilberfloss。 Mr。 Waterman started; and stumbled over a cat。
〃I never heard of such a thing;〃 said Mr。 Wilberfloss。
A faint; sad smile played across Psmith's face。
〃Do you remember; rade WatermanI fancy it was to you that I made the remarkmy menting at our previous interview on the rashness of confusing the unusual with the improbable? Here we see rade Wilberfloss; big…brained though he is; falling into error。〃
〃I shall dismiss Mr。 Windsor immediately;〃 said the big…brained one。
〃From Blackwell's Island?〃 said Psmith。 〃I am sure you will earn his gratitude if you do。 They live on bean soup there。 Bean soup and bread; and not much of either。〃
He broke off; to turn his attention to Mr。 Jarvis and Mr。 Waterman; between whom bad blood seemed to have arisen。 Mr。 Jarvis; holding a cat in his arms; was glowering at Mr。 Waterman; who had backed away and seemed nervous。
〃What is the trouble; rade Jarvis?〃
〃Dat guy dere wit two left feet;〃 said Bat querulously; 〃goes and treads on de kit。 I〃
〃I assure you it was a pure accident。 The animal〃
Mr。 Wilberfloss; eyeing Bat and the silent Otto with disgust; intervened。
〃Who are these persons; Mr。 Smith?〃 he inquired。
〃Poisson yourself;〃 rejoined Bat; justly incensed。 〃Who's de little guy wit de peeled breezer; Mr。 Smith?〃
Psmith waved his hands。
〃Gentlemen; gentlemen;〃 he said; 〃let us not descend to mere personalities。 I thought I had introduced you。 This; rade Jarvis; is Mr。 Wilberfloss; the editor of this journal。 These; rade WilberflossZam…buk would put your nose right in a dayare; respectively; Bat Jarvis and Long Otto; our acting fighting…editors; vice Kid Brady; absent on unavoidable business。〃
〃Kid Brady !〃 shrilled Mr。 Wilberfloss。 〃I insist that you give me a full explanation of this matter。 I go away by my doctor's orders for ten weeks; leaving Mr。 Windsor to conduct the paper on certain well…defined lines。 I return yesterday; and; getting into munication with Mr。 Philpotts; what do I find? Why; that in my absence the paper has been ruined。〃
〃Ruined?〃 said Psmith。 〃On the contrary。 Examine the returns; and you will see that the circulation has gone up every week。 Cosy Moments was never so prosperous and flourishing。 rade Otto; do you think you could use your personal influence with that dog to induce it to suspend its barking for a while? It is musical; but renders conversation difficult。〃
Long Otto raised a massive boot and aimed it at the animal; which; dodging with a yelp; cannoned against the second cat and had its nose scratched。 Piercing shrieks cleft the air。
〃I demand an explanation;〃 roared Mr。 Wilberfloss above the din。
〃I think; rade Otto;〃 said Psmith; 〃it would make things a little easier if you removed that dog。〃
He opened the door。 The dog shot out。 They could hear it being ejected from the outer office by Master Maloney。 When there was silence; Psmith turned courteously to the editor。
〃You were saying; rade Wilberfloss?〃
〃Who is this person Brady? With Mr。 Philpotts I have been going carefully over the numbers which have been issued since my departure〃
〃An intellectual treat;〃 murmured Psmith。
〃and in each there is a picture of this young man in a costume which I will not particularise〃
〃There is hardly enough of it to particularise。〃
〃together with a page of disgusting autobiographical matter。〃
Psmith held up his hand。
〃I protest;〃 he said。 〃We court criticism; but this is mere abuse。 I appeal to these gentlemen to say whether this; for instance; is not bright and interesting。〃
He picked up the current number of Cosy Moments; and turned to the Kid's page。
〃This;〃 he said。 〃Describing a certain ten…round unpleasantness with one Mexican Joe。 'Joe es up for the second round and he gives me a nasty look; but I thinks of my mother and swats him one in the lower ribs。 He hollers foul; but nix on that。 Referee says; 〃Fight on。〃 Joe gives me another nasty look。 〃All right; Kid;〃 he says; 〃now I'll knock you up into the gallery。〃 And with that he cuts loose with a right swing; but I falls into the clinch; and then…!'〃
〃Bah!〃 exclaimed Mr。 Wilberfloss。
〃Go on; boss;〃 urged Mr。 Jarvis approvingly。 〃It's to de good; dat stuff。〃
〃There!〃 said Psmith triumphantly。 〃You heard? rade Jarvis; one of the most firmly established critics east of Fifth Avenue; stamps Kid Brady's reminiscences with the hall…mark of his approval。〃
〃I falls fer de Kid every time;〃 assented Mr。 Jarvis。
〃Assuredly; rade Jarvis。 You know a good thing when you see one。 Why;〃 he went on warmly; 〃there is stuff in these reminiscences which would stir the blood of a jelly…fish。 Let me quote you another passage to show that they are not only enthralling; but helpful as well。 Let me see; where is it? Ah; I have it。 'A bully good way of putting a guy out of business is this。 You don't want to use it in the ring; because by Queensberry Rules it's a foul; but you will find it mighty useful if any thick…neck es up to you in the street and tries to start anything。 It's this way。 While he's setting himself for a punch; just place the tips of the fingers of your left hand on the right side of his chest。 Then bring down the heel of your left hand。 There isn't a guy living that could stand up against that。 The fingers give you a leverage to beat the band。 The guy doubles up; and you upper…cut him with your right; and out he goes。' Now; I bet you never knew that before; rade Philpotts。 Try it on your parishioners。〃 〃Cosy Moments;〃 said Mr。 Wilberfloss irately; 〃is no medium for exploiting low prize…fighters。〃
〃Low prize…fighters! rade Wilberfloss; you have been misinformed。 The Kid is as decent a little chap as you'd meet anywhere。 You do not seem to appreciate the philanthropic motives of the paper in adopting rade Brady's cause。 Think of it; rade Wilberfloss。 There was that unfortunate stripling with only two pleasures in life; to love his mother and to knock the heads off other youths whose weight coincided with his own; and misfortune; until we took him up; had barred him almost pletely from the second pastime。 Our editorial heart was melted。 We adopted rade Brady。 And look at him now! Matched against Eddie Wood! And rade Waterman will support me in my statement that a victory over Eddie Wood means that he gets a legitimate claim to meet Jimmy Garvin for the championship。〃
〃It is abominable;〃 burst forth Mr。 Wilberfloss。 〃It is disgraceful。 I never heard of such a thing。 The paper is ruined。〃
〃You keep reverting to that statement; rade Wilberfloss。 Can nothing reassure you? The returns are excellent。 Prosperity beams on us like a sun。 The proprietor is more than satisfied。〃
〃The prop