pgw.psmith,journalist-第31章

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　like　all　great　men；　is　somewhat　peculiar。　If　you　go　to　a　New　York　policeman　and　exhibit　a　black　eye；　he　will　examine　it　and　express　some　admiration　for　the　abilities　of　the　citizen　responsible　for　the　same。　If　you　press　the　matter；　he　bees　bored；　and　says；　'Ain't　youse　satisfied　with　what　youse　got？　G'wan！'　His　advice　in　such　cases　is　good；　and　should　be　followed。　No；　since　ing　to　this　city　I　have　developed　a　habit　of　taking　care　of　myself；　or　employing　private　help。　That　is　why　I　should　like　you；　if　you　will；　to　e　with　me　to　call　upon　rade　Jarvis。　He　is　a　person　of　considerable　influence　among　that　section　of　the　populace　which　is　endeavouring　to　smash　in　our　occiputs。　Indeed；　I　know　of　nobody　who　cuts　a　greater　quantity　of　ice。　If　I　can　only　enlist　rade　Jarvis's　assistance；　all　will　be　well。　If　you　are　through　with　your　refreshment；　shall　we　be　moving　in　his　direction？　By　the　way；　it　will　probably　be　necessary　in　the　course　of　our　interview　to　allude　to　you　as　one　of　our　most　eminent　living　cat…fanciers。　You　do　not　object？　Remember　that　you　have　in　your　English　home　seventy…four　fine　cats；　mostly　Angoras。　Are　you　on　to　that？　Then　let　us　be　going。　rade　Maloney　has　given　me　the　address。　It　is　a　goodish　step　down　on　the　East　side。　I　should　like　to　take　a　taxi；　but　it　might　seem　ostentatious。　Let　us　walk。〃　
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　They　found　Mr。　Jarvis　in　his　Groome　Street　fancier's　shop；　engaged　in　the　intellectual　occupation　of　greasing　a　cat's　paws　with　butter。　He　looked　up　as　they　entered；　and　began　to　breathe　a　melody　with　a　certain　coyness。
　〃rade　Jarvis；〃　said　Psmith；　〃we　meet　again。　You　remember　me？〃
　〃Nope；〃　said　Mr。　Jarvis；　pausing　for　a　moment　in　the　middle　of　a　bar；　and　then　taking　up　the　air　where　he　had　left　off。　Psmith　was　not　discouraged。
　〃Ah；〃　he　said　tolerantly；　〃the　fierce　rush　of　New　York　life。　How　it　wipes　from　the　retina　of　to…day　the　image　impressed　on　it　but　yesterday。　Are　you　with　me；　rade　Jarvis？〃
　The　cat…expert　concentrated　himself　on　the　cat's　paws　without　replying。
　〃A　fine　animal；〃　said　Psmith；　adjusting　his　eyeglass。　〃To　which　particular　family　of　the　Felis　Domestica　does　that　belong？　In　colour　it　resembles　a　Neapolitan　ice　more　than　anything。〃
　Mr。　Jarvis's　manner　became　unfriendly。
　〃Say；　what　do　youse　want？　That's　straight　ain't　it？　If　youse　want　to　buy　a　boid　or　a　snake　why　don't　youse　say　so？〃
　〃I　stand　corrected；〃　said　Psmith。　〃I　should　have　remembered　that　time　is　money。　I　called　in　here　partly　on　the　strength　of　being　a　colleague　and　side…partner　of　rade　Windsor〃
　〃Mr。　Windsor！　De　gent　what　caught　my　cat？〃
　〃The　sameand　partly　in　order　that　I　might　make　two　very　eminent　cat…fanciers　acquainted。　This；〃　he　said；　with　a　wave　of　his　hand　in　the　direction　of　the　silently　protesting　Mike；　〃is　rade　Jackson；　possibly　the　best　known　of　our　English　cat…fanciers。　rade　Jackson's　stud　of　Angoras　is　celebrated　wherever　the　King's　English　is　spoken；　and　in　Hoxton。〃
　Mr。　Jarvis　rose；　and；　having　inspected　Mike　with　silent　admiration　for　a　while；　extended　a　well…buttered　hand　towards　him。　Psmith　looked　on　benevolently。
　〃What　rade　Jackson　does　not　know　about　cats；〃　he　said；　〃is　not　knowledge。　His　information　on　Angoras　alone　would　fill　a　volume。〃
　〃Say；〃Mr。　Jarvis　was　evidently　touching　on　a　point　which　had　weighed　deeply　upon　him〃why's　catnip　called　catnip？〃
　Mike　looked　at　Psmith　helplessly。　It　sounded　like　a　riddle；　but　it　was　obvious　that　Mr。　Jarvis's　motive　in　putting　the　question　was　not　frivolous。　He　really　wished　to　know。
　〃The　word；　as　rade　Jackson　was　just　about　to　observe；〃　said　Psmith；　〃is　a　corruption　of　cat…mint。　Why　it　should　be　so　corrupted　I　do　not　know。　But　what　of　that？　The　subject　is　too　deep　to　be　gone　fully　into　at　the　moment。　I　should　remend　you　to　read　rade　Jackson's　little　brochure　on　the　matter。　Passing　lightly　on　from　that〃
　〃Did　youse　ever　have　a　cat　dat　ate　beetles？〃　inquired　Mr。　Jarvis。
　〃There　was　a　time　when　many　of　rade　Jackson's　felidae　supported　life　almost　entirely　on　beetles。〃
　〃Did　they　git　thin？〃
　Mike　felt　that　it　was　time；　if　he　was　to　preserve　his　reputation；　to　assert　himself。
　〃No；〃　he　replied　firmly。
　Mr。　Jarvis　looked　astonished。
　〃English　beetles；〃　said　Psmith；　〃don't　make　cats　thin。　Passing　lightly〃
　〃I　had　a　cat　oncest；〃　said　Mr。　Jarvis；　ignoring　the　remark　and　sticking　to　his　point；　〃dat　ate　beetles　and　got　thin　and　used　to　tie　itself　into　knots。〃
　〃A　versatile　animal；〃　agreed　Psmith。
　〃Say；〃　Mr。　Jarvis　went　on；　now　plainly　on　a　subject　near　to　his　heart；　〃dem　beetles　is　fierce。　Sure。　Can't　keep　de　cats　off　of　eatin'　dem；　I　can't。　First　t'ing　you　know　dey've　swallowed　dem；　and　den　dey　gits　thin　and　ties　theirselves　into　knots。〃
　〃You　should　put　them　into　strait…waistcoats；〃　said　Psmith。　〃Passing；　however；　lightly〃
　〃Say；　ever　have　a　cross…eyed　cat？〃
　〃rade　Jackson's　cats；〃　said　Psmith；　〃have　happily　been　almost　free　from　strabismus。〃
　〃Dey's　lucky；　cross…eyed　cats　is。　You　has　a　cross…eyed　cat；　and　not'in'　don't　never　go　wrong。　But；　say；　was　dere　ever　a　cat　wit　one　blue　eye　and　one　yaller　one　in　your　bunch？　Gum；　it's　fierce　when　it's　like　dat。　It's　a　real　skiddoo；　is　a　cat　wit　one　blue　eye　and　one　yaller　one。　Puts　you　in　bad；　surest　t'ing　you　know。　Oncest　a　guy　give　me　a　cat　like　dat；　and　first　t'ing　you　know　I'm　in　bad　all　round。　It　wasn't　till　I　give　him　away　to　de　cop　on　de　corner　and　gets　me　one　dat's　cross…eyed　dat　I　lifts　de　skiddoo　off　of　me。〃
　〃And　what　happened　to　the　cop？〃　inquired　Psmith；　interested。
　〃Oh；　he　got　in　bad；　sure　enough；〃　said　Mr。　Jarvis　without　emotion。　〃One　of　de　boys　what　he'd　pinched　and　had　sent　to　de　Island　once　lays　for　him　and　puts　one　over　him　wit　a　black…jack。　Sure。　Dat's　what　es　of　havin'　a　cat　wit　one　blue　eye　and　one　yaller　one。〃
　Mr。　Jarvis　relapsed　into　silence。　He　seemed　to　be　meditating　on　the　inscrutable　workings　of　Fate。　Psmith　took　advantage　of　the　pause　to　leave　the　cat　topic　and　touch　on　matter　of　more　vital　import。
　〃Tense　and　exhilarating　as　is　this　discussion　of　the　optical　peculiarities　of　cats；〃　he　said；　〃there　is　another　matter　on　which；　if　you　will　permit　me；　I　should　like　to　touch。　I　would　hesitate　to　bore　you　with　my　own　private　troubles；　but　this　is　a　matter　which　concerns　rade　Windsor　as　well　as　myself；　and　I　know　that　your　regard　for　rade　Windsor　is　almost　an　obsession。〃
　〃How's　that？〃
　〃I　should　say；〃　said　Psmith；　〃that　rade　Windsor　is　a　man　to　whom　you　give　the　glad　hand。〃
　〃Sure。　He's　to　the　good；　Mr。　Windsor　is。　He　caught　me　cat。〃
　〃He　did。　By　the　way；　was　that　the　one　that　used　to　tie　itself　into　knots？〃
　〃Nope。　Dat　was　anudder。〃
　〃Ah！　However；　to　resume。　The　fact　is；　rade　Jarvis；　we　are　much　persecuted　by　scoundrels。　How　sad　it　is　in　this　world！　We　look　to　every　side。　We　look　north；　east；　south；　and　west；　and　what　do　we　　see？　Mainly　scoundrels。　I　fancy　you　have　heard　a　little　about　our　troubles　before　this。　In　fact；　I　gather　that　the　same　scoundrels　actually　approached　you　with　a　view　to　engaging　your　services　to　do　us　in；　but　that　you　very　handsomely　refused　the　contract。〃
　〃Sure；〃　said　Mr。　Jarvis；　dimly　prehending。
　〃A　guy　es　to　me　and　says　he　wants　you　and　Mr。　Windsor　put　through　it；　but　I　gives　him　de　t'run　down。　'Nuttin'　done；'　I　says。　'Mr。　Windsor　caught　me　cat。'〃
　〃So　I　was　informed；〃　said　Psmith。　〃Well；　failing　you；　they　went　to　a　gentleman　of　the　name　of　Reilly。〃
　〃Spider　Reilly？〃
　〃You　have　hit　it；　rade　Jarvis。　Spider　Reilly；　the　lessee　and　manager　of　the　Three　Points　gang。〃
　〃Dose　T'ree　Points；　dey're　to　de　bad。　Dey're　fresh。〃
　〃It　is　too　true；　rade　Jarvis。〃
　〃Say；〃　went　on　Mr。　Jarvis；　waxing　wrathful　at　the　recollection；　〃what　do　youse　t'ink　dem　fresh　stiffs　done　de　udder　night。　Started　some　rough　woik　in　me　own　dance…joint。〃
　〃Shamrock　Hall？〃　said　Psmith。
　〃Dat's　right。　Shamrock　Hall。　Got　gay；　dey　did；　wit　some　of　de　Table　Hillers。　Say；　I　got　it　in　for　dem　gazebos；　sure　I　have。　Surest　t'ing　you　know。〃
　Psmith　beamed　approval。
　〃That；〃　he　said；　〃is　the　right　spirit。　Nothing　could　be　more　admirable。　We　are　bound　together　by　our　mon　desire　to　check　the　ever…growing　spirit　of　freshness　among　the　members　of　the　Three　Points。　Add　to　that　the　fact　that　we　are　united　by　a　sympathetic　knowledge　o