pgw.psmith,journalist-第3章

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　pels　me　to　state　that　New　York　is　in　some　respects　a　singularly　blighted　town。〃
　〃What's　the　matter　with　it？〃　asked　Mike。
　〃Too　decorous；　rade　Jackson。　I　came　over　here　principally；　it　is　true；　to　be　at　your　side；　should　you　be　in　any　way　persecuted　by　scoundrels。　But　at　the　same　time　I　confess　that　at　the　back　of　my　mind　there　lurked　a　hope　that　stirring　adventures　might　e　my　way。　I　had　heard　so　much　of　the　place。　Report　had　it　that　an　earnest　seeker　after　amusement　might　have　a　tolerably　spacious　rag　in　this　modern　Byzantium。　I　thought　that　a　few　weeks　here　might　restore　that　keen　edge　to　my　nervous　system　which　the　languor　of　the　past　term　had　in　a　measure　blunted。　I　wished　my　visit　to　be　a　tonic　rather　than　a　sedative。　I　anticipated　that　on　my　return　the　cry　would　go　round　Cambridge；　'Psmith　has　been　to　New　York。　He　is　full　of　oats。　For　he　on　honey…dew　hath　fed；　and　drunk　the　milk　of　Paradise。　He　is　hot　stuff。　Rah！'　But　what　do　we　find？〃
　He　paused；　and　lit　a　cigarette。
　〃What　do　we　find？〃　he　asked　again。
　〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Mike。　〃What？〃
　〃A　very　judicious　query；　rade　Jackson。　What；　indeed？　We　find　a　town　very　like　London。　A　quiet；　self…respecting　town；　admirable　to　the　apostle　of　social　reform；　but　disappointing　to　one　who；　like　myself；　arrives　with　a　brush　and　a　little　bucket　of　red　paint；　all　eager　for　a　treat。　I　have　been　here　a　week；　and　I　have　not　seen　a　single　citizen　clubbed　by　a　policeman。　No　negroes　dance　cake…walks　in　the　street。　No　cow…boy　has　let　off　his　revolver　at　random　in　Broadway。　The　cables　flash　the　message　across　the　ocean；　'Psmith　is　losing　his　illusions。'〃
　Mike　had　e　to　America　with　a　team　of　the　M。C。C。　which　was　touring　the　cricket…playing　section　of　the　United　States。　Psmith　had　acpanied　him　in　a　private　capacity。　It　was　the　end　of　their　first　year　at　Cambridge；　and　Mike；　with　a　century　against　Oxford　to　his　credit；　had　been　one　of　the　first　to　be　invited　to　join　the　tour。　Psmith；　who　had　played　cricket　in　a　rather　desultory　way　at　the　University；　had　not　risen　to　these　heights。　He　had　merely　taken　the　opportunity　of　Mike's　visit　to　the　other　side　to　acpany　him。　Cambridge　had　proved　pleasant　to　Psmith；　but　a　trifle　quiet。　He　had　weled　the　chance　of　getting　a　change　of　scene。
　So　far　the　visit　had　failed　to　satisfy　him。　Mike；　whose　tastes　in　pleasure　were　simple；　was　delighted　with　everything。　The　cricket　so　far　had　been　rather　of　the　picnic　order；　but　it　was　very　pleasant；　and　there　was　no　limit　to　the　hospitality　with　which　the　visitors　were　treated。　It　was　this　more　than　anything　which　had　caused　Psmith's　grave　disapproval　of　things　American。　He　was　not　a　member　of　the　team；　so　that　the　advantages　of　the　hospitality　did　not　reach　him。　He　had　all　the　disadvantages。　He　saw　far　too　little　of　Mike。　When　he　wished　to　consult　his　confidential　secretary　and　adviser　on　some　aspect　of　Life；　that　invaluable　official　was　generally　absent　at　dinner　with　the　rest　of　the　team。　To…night　was　one　of　the　rare　occasions　when　Mike　could　get　away。　Psmith　was　being　bored。　New　York　is　a　better　city　than　London　to　be　alone　in；　but　it　is　never　pleasant　to　be　alone　in　any　big　city。
　As　they　sat　discussing　New　York's　shortings　over　their　coffee；　a　young　man　passed　them；　carrying　a　basket；　and　seated　himself　at　the　next　table。　He　was　a　tall；　loose…jointed　young　man；　with　unkempt　hair。
　A　waiter　made　an　ingratiating　gesture　towards　the　basket；　but　the　young　man　stopped　him。　〃Not　on　your　life；　sonny；〃　he　said。　〃This　stays　right　here。〃　He　placed　it　carefully　on　the　floor　beside　his　chair；　and　proceeded　to　order　dinner。
　Psmith　watched　him　thoughtfully。
　〃I　have　a　suspicion；　rade　Jackson；〃　he　said；　〃that　this　will　prove　to　be　a　somewhat　stout　fellow。　If　possible；　we　will　engage　him　in　conversation。　I　wonder　what　he's　got　in　the　basket。　I　must　get　my　Sherlock　Holmes　system　to　work。　What　is　the　most　likely　thing　for　a　man　to　have　in　a　basket？　You　would　reply；　in　your　unthinking　way；　'sandwiches。'　Error。　A　man　with　a　basketful　of　sandwiches　does　not　need　to　dine　at　restaurants。　We　must　try　again。〃
　The　young　man　at　the　next　table　had　ordered　a　jug　of　milk　to　be　acpanied　by　a　saucer。　These　having　arrived；　he　proceeded　to　lift　the　basket　on　to　his　lap；　pour　the　milk　into　the　saucer；　and　remove　the　lid　from　the　basket。　Instantly；　with　a　yell　which　made　the　young　man's　table　the　centre　of　interest　to　all　the　diners；　a　large　grey　cat　shot　up　like　a　rocket；　and　darted　across　the　room。　Psmith　watched　with　silent　interest。
　It　is　hard　to　astonish　the　waiters　at　a　New　York　restaurant；　but　when　the　cat　performed　this　feat　there　was　a　squeal　of　surprise　all　round　the　room。　Waiters　rushed　to　and　fro；　futile　but　energetic。　The　cat；　having　secured　a　strong　strategic　position　on　the　top　of　a　large　oil…painting　which　hung　on　the　far　wall；　was　expressing　loud　disapproval　of　the　efforts　of　one　of　the　waiters　to　drive　it　from　its　post　with　a　walking…stick。　The　young　man；　seeing　these　manoeuvres；　uttered　a　wrathful　shout；　and　rushed　to　the　rescue。
　〃rade　Jackson；〃　said　Psmith；　rising；　〃we　must　be　in　this。〃
　When　they　arrived　on　the　scene　of　hostilities；　the　young　man　had　just　possessed　himself　of　the　walking…stick；　and　was　deep　in　a　plex　argument　with　the　head…waiter　on　the　ethics　of　the　matter。　The　head…waiter；　a　stout　impassive　German；　had　taken　his　stand　on　a　point　of　etiquette。　〃Id　is；〃　he　said；　〃to　bring　gats　into　der　grill…room　vorbidden。　No　gendleman　would　gats　into　der　grill…room　bring。　Der　gendleman〃
　The　young　man　meanwhile　was　making　enticing　sounds；　to　which　the　cat　was　maintaining　an　attitude　of　reserved　hostility。　He　turned　furiously　on　the　head…waiter。
　〃For　goodness'　sake；〃　he　cried；　〃can't　you　see　the　poor　brute's　scared　stiff？　Why　don't　you　clear　your　gang　of　German　edians　away；　and　give　her　a　chance　to　e　down？〃
　〃Der　gendleman〃　argued　the　head…waiter。
　Psmith　stepped　forward　and　touched　him　on　the　arm。
　〃May　I　have　a　word　with　you　in　private？〃
　〃Zo？〃
　Psmith　drew　him　away。
　〃You　don't　know　who　that　is？〃　he　whispered；　nodding　towards　the　young　man。
　〃No　gendleman　he　is；〃　asserted　the　head…waiter。　〃Der　gendleman　would　not　der　gat　into〃
　Psmith　shook　his　head　pityingly。
　〃These　petty　matters　of　etiquette　are　not　for　his　Gracebut；　hush；　he　wishes　to　preserve　his　incognito。〃
　〃Ingognito？〃
　〃You　understand。　You　are　a　man　of　the　world；　rademay　I　call　you　Freddie？　You　understand；　rade　Freddie；　that　in　a　man　in　his　Grace's　position　a　few　little　eccentricities　may　be　pardoned。　You　follow　me；　Frederick？〃
　The　head…waiter's　eye　rested　upon　the　young　man　with　a　new　interest　and　respect。
　〃He　is　noble？〃　he　inquired　with　awe。
　〃He　is　here　strictly　incognito；　you　understand；〃　said　Psmith　warningly。　The　head…waiter　nodded。
　The　young　man　meanwhile　had　broken　down　the　cat's　reserve；　and　was　now　standing　with　her　in　his　arms；　apparently　anxious　to　fight　all…corners　in　her　defence。　The　head…waiter　approached　deferentially。
　〃Der　gendleman；〃　he　said；　indicating　Psmith；　who　beamed　in　a　friendly　manner　through　his　eye…glass；　〃haf　everything　exblained。　All　will　now　quite　satisfactory　be。〃
　The　young　man　looked　inquiringly　at　Psmith；　who　winked　encouragingly。　The　head…waiter　bowed。
　〃Let　me　present　rade　Jackson；〃　said　Psmith；　〃the　pet　of　our　English　Smart　Set。　I　am　Psmith；　one　of　the　Shropshire　Psmiths。　This　is　a　great　moment。　Shall　we　be　moving　back？　We　were　about　to　order　a　second　instalment　of　coffee；　to　correct　the　effects　of　a　fatiguing　day。　Perhaps　you　would　care　to　join　us？〃
　〃Sure；〃　said　the　alleged　duke。
　〃This；〃　said　Psmith；　when　they　were　seated；　and　the　head…waiter　had　ceased　to　hover；　〃is　a　great　meeting。　I　was　plaining　with　some　acerbity　to　rade　Jackson；　before　you　introduced　your　very　interesting　performing…animal　speciality；　that　things　in　New　York　were　too　quiet；　too　decorous。　I　have　an　inkling；　rade〃
　〃Windsor's　my　name。〃
　〃I　have　an　inkling；　rade　Windsor；　that　we　see　eye　to　eye　on　the　subject。〃
　〃I　guess　that's　right。　I　was　raised　in　the　plains；　and　I　lived　in　Kentucky　a　while。　There's　more　doing　there　in　a　day　than　there　is　here　in　a　month。　Say；　how　did　you　fix　it　with　the　old　man？〃
　〃With　rade　Freddie？　I　have　a　certain　amount　of　influence　with　him。　He　is　c