lhamilton.thekillingdance-第52章

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　If　it　had　been　Richard　stretched　out　on　the　bed　in　the　next　room；　I　would　have　jumped　him　tonight。　But　it　wasn't　Richard；　and　once　Richard　got　here；　we'd　be　sleeping　in　Jean…Claude's　bed。　Seemed　pretty　tacky　to　have　sex　for　the　first　time　in　your　other　boyfriend's　bed。　But　it　wasn't　just　the　boys　suffering　from　sexual　tension；　I　was　drowning；　too。
　Was　Richard　right？　Was　the　fact　that　Jean…Claude　wasn't　human　the　only　thing　keeping　me　out　of　his　bed？　No。　Or　at　least　I　didn't　think　so。　Out　of　Richard's　bed？　The　answer；　sadly；　was　yes；　maybe。
　I　freshened　up　and　couldn't　help　checking　myself　in　the　mirror。　The　makeup　had　faded　a　little；　but　the　liner　still　made　my　large；　dark　eyes　stand　out　in　dramatic　contrast。　The　blush　was　almost　gone；　and　the　lipstick　had　long　ago　vanished。　I　had　lipstick　in　my　purse。　I　could　freshen　that　at　least。　But　freshening　my　lipstick　was　like　admitting　I　cared　what　Jean…Claude　thought　of　me。　I　did　care。　That　was　the　truly　scary　part。　I　did　not　put　on　more　lipstick。　I　walked　back　into　the　bedroom　as　is；　let　him　make　of　it　what　he　would。
　He　was　leaning　on　one　elbow；　watching　me　as　I　came　through　the　door。　〃Ma　petite；　you　are　beautiful。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃Pretty；　I'll　give　you；　but　not　beautiful。〃
　He　cocked　his　head　to　one　side；　sending　a　wave　of　hair　over　one　shoulder。　〃Who　told　you　you　were　not　beautiful？〃
　I　leaned　against　the　door。　〃When　I　was　a　little　girl；　my　father　would　e　up　behind　my　mother。　He　would　wrap　his　arms　around　her　waist；　bury　his　face　in　her　hair；　and　say；　'How　is　the　most　beautiful　woman　in　the　world　today？'　He　said　it　at　least　once　a　day。　She　would　laugh　and　tell　him　not　to　be　silly；　but　I　agreed　with　him。　To　me；　she　was　the　most　beautiful　woman　in　the　world。〃
　〃She　was　your　mother。　All　little　girls　think　that　of　their　mother。〃
　〃Maybe；　but　two　years　after　she　died；　Dad　remarried。　He　married　Judith；　who　was　tall　and　blond　and　blue…eyed；　and　nothing　like　my　mother。　If　he　had　really　believed　my　mother　was　the　most　beautiful　woman　in　the　world；　why　did　he　marry　some　Nordic　ice　princess？　Why　didn't　he　marry　someone　small　and　dark　like　my　mother？〃
　〃I　don't　know；　ma　petite；〃　he　said　quietly。
　〃Judith　had　a　daughter　only　a　couple　of　years　younger　than　me。　Then　they　had　Josh　together　and　he　was　as　blond　and　blue…eyed　as　the　rest　of　them。　I　looked　like　a　small　dark　mistake　in　the　family　photos。〃
　〃Your　skin　is　almost　as　pale　as　mine；　ma　petite。〃
　〃But　I　have　my　mother's　eyes　and　hair。　My　hair　isn't　brunette；　it's　black。　A　woman　asked　Judith　once　in　front　of　me　if　I　was　adopted。　Judith　said；　no；　I　was　from　her　husband's　first　marriage。〃
　Jean…Claude　slid　off　the　bed。　He　moved　towards　me；　and　I　had　to　look　at　the　floor。　I　wanted　badly　to　be　held；　to　be　forted。　If　it　had　been　Richard；　I'd　have　gone　to　him。　But　it　wasn't　Richard。
　Jean…Claude　touched　my　cheek　and　raised　my　face　until　I　had　to　look　at　him。　〃I　have　lived　for　over　three　hundred　years。　In　that　time；　the　ideal　of　beauty　has　changed　many　times。　Large　breasts；　small；　thin；　curved；　tall；　short；　they　have　all　been　the　height　of　beauty　at　one　time　or　another。　But　in　all　that　time；　ma　petite；　I　have　never　desired　anyone　the　way　I　desire　you。〃　He　leaned　towards　me；　and　I　didn't　move　away。　His　lips　brushed　mine　in　a　gentle　kiss。
　He　took　that　one　last　step　to　press　our　bodies　together；　and　I　stopped　him；　one　hand　on　his　chest；　but　all　I　met　was　bare　skin。　The　slickness　of　his　cross…shaped　burn　scar　met　my　fingertips。　I　moved　my　hand　and　found　his　heart　beating　against　my　palm。　Not　an　improvement。
　He　drew　back；　a　breath；　and　whispered　into　my　mouth；　〃Tell　me　no；　ma　petite；　and　I　will　stop。〃
　I　had　to　swallow　twice　before　I　could　speak。　〃No。〃
　Jean…Claude　stepped　away　from　me。　He　lay　back　on　the　bed　as　he　had　earlier；　propped　on　his　elbows；　his　legs　from　the　knees　hung　off　the　bed。　He　stared　at　me；　daring　me　to　e　join　him；　I　think。
　I　wasn't　that　stupid。　There　was　some　dark　part　of　me　that　was　tempted。　Lust　has　less　logic　than　love；　sometimes；　but　it's　easier　to　fight。
　〃I　have　played　the　mortal　for　you　these　many　months。　I　thought　in　March　when　you　held　my　naked　body；　when　you　shared　blood　with　me；　that　it　would　be　a　changing　point　for　us。　That　you　would　give　in　to　your　desire　and　admit　your　feelings　for　me。〃
　A　burning　wash　of　color　crept　up　my　face。　I　had　no　good　excuse　for　the　foreplay　that　got　out　of　hand。　I　was　weak；　so　sue　me。　〃I　gave　you　blood　because　you　were　dying。　I'd　have　never　done　it　otherwise。　You　know　that。〃
　He　stared　at　me。　It　wasn't　vampire　tricks　that　made　me　want　to　look　away。　It　was　a　raw　honesty　that　I'd　never　seen　in　his　face　before。　〃I　know　that　now；　ma　petite。　When　we　returned　from　Branson；　you　threw　yourself　into　Richard's　arms　as　though　he　were　a　lifeline。　We　continued　to　date；　but　you　drew　away。　I　felt　it　and　did　not　know　how　to　stop　it。〃
　He　sat　up　on　the　bed；　hands　clasped　in　his　lap。　A　look　of　frustration　and　confusion　passed　over　his　face。　〃I　have　never　had　another　woman　deny　me；　ma　petite。〃
　I　laughed。　〃Oh；　your　ego　isn't　big。〃
　〃It　is　not　ego；　ma　petite；　it　is　the　truth。〃
　I　leaned　against　the　bathroom　door　and　thought　about　that　one。　〃No　one　in　almost　three　hundred　years　has　ever　said　no　to　you？〃
　〃You　find　that　so　hard　to　believe？〃
　〃If　I　can　do　it；　so　can　they。〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃You　do　not　appreciate　how　very　harsh　your　strength　of　will　is；　ma　petite。　It　is　impressive。　You　have　no　idea　how　impressive。〃
　〃If　I'd　fallen　into　your　arms　the　first　time　we　met；　or　even　the　dozenth　time　we　met；　you'd　have　bedded　me；　bled　me；　and　dumped　me。〃
　I　watched　the　truth　of　my　words　fill　his　face。　I　hadn't　realized　until　this　moment　how　much　control　he　kept　over　his　facial　expressions；　how　it　was　the　lack　of　reaction　that　made　him　seem　more　otherworldly　than　he　was。
　〃You　are　right；〃　he　said。　〃If　you　had　giggled　and　fawned　over　me；　I　would　not　have　given　you　a　second　glance。　Your　partial　immunity　to　my　powers　was　the　first　attraction。　But　it　was　your　stubbornness　that　intrigued　me。　Your　flat　refusal　of　me。〃
　〃I　was　a　challenge。〃
　〃Yes。〃
　I　stared　into　his　suddenly　open　face。　For　the　first　time；　I　thought　I　might　see　the　truth　in　his　eyes。　〃Good　thing　I　resisted。　I　don't　like　being　used　and　tossed　aside。〃
　〃Once　you　were　only　a　challenge；　something　to　be　conquered。　Then　I　became　intrigued　by　your　growing　powers。　I　saw　possibilities　that　I　could　use　you　to　strengthen　my　position　if　only　you　would　join　with　me。〃
　Something　like　pain　passed　over　his　face；　and　I　wanted　to　ask　if　it　was　real。　If　any　of　this　was　real；　or　if　it　was　only　another　act。　I　trusted　Jean…Claude　to　do　whatever　it　took　to　stay　alive。　I　didn't　trust　him　to　tell　the　truth　sitting　on　a　stack　of　Bibles。
　〃I　saved　your　ass　enough　times。　I'm　your　declared　human　servant。　What　more　do　you　want？〃
　〃You；　ma　petite。〃　He　stood；　but　didn't　e　closer。　〃It　is　no　longer　challenge　or　the　promise　of　power　that　makes　me　look　to　you。〃
　My　pulse　was　suddenly　thudding　in　my　throat；　and　he　hadn't　done　a　damn　thing。
　〃I　love　you；　Anita。〃
　I　stared　at　him；　my　eyes　growing　wide。　I　opened　my　mouth；　closed　it。　I　didn't　believe　him。　He　lied　so　easily；　so　well。　He　was　the　master　of　manipulation。　How　could　I　believe　him　now？　〃What　do　you　want　me　to　say？〃
　He　shook　his　head；　and　his　face　fell　back　into　its　normal　lines。　That　beautiful　perfection　that　was　what　passed　for　ordinary。　But　I　knew　now　that　even　this　was　a　mask；　hiding　his　deeper　emotions。
　〃How　did　you　do　that？〃
　〃After　several　centuries　of　being　forced　to　school　your　face　into　pleasant；　unreadable　lines；　you　lose　the　knack　of　anything　else。　My　survival　has　depended　on　my　expression　more　than　once。　I　wish　you　understood　the　effort　that　little　display　of　humanity　cost　me。〃
　〃What　do　you　want　me　to　say；　Jean…Claude？〃
　〃You　love　me　a　little；　that　I　am　sure　of。〃
　I　shrugged。　〃Maybe；　but　a　little　isn't　enough。〃
　〃You　love　Richard　a　lot；　don't　you？〃
　I　met　his　eyes　and　wanted　to　lie；　to　save　his　feelings；　but　those　kinds　of　lies　hurt　more　than　the　truth。　〃Yeah。〃
　〃Yet；　you　have　not　made　your　choice。　You　have　not　told　me　to　leave　the　two　of　you　to　matrimonial　bliss。　Why　is　that？〃
　〃Last　time　we　had　this　talk；　you　said　you'd　kill