rh.theassassinsapprentice-第75章

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orced　me　to　be。　If　I　use　it；　I　can…〃
　　　　　　　〃Stay　out　of　my　stables。　And　stay　away　from　me。〃　He　rolled　back　to　face　me；　and　to　my　amazement；　a　single　tear　tracked　his　dark　cheek。　〃You　failed？　No；　Fitz。　I　failed。　I　was　too　softhearted　to　beat　it　out　of　you　at　the　first　sign　of　it。　'Raise　him　well；'　Chivalry　said　to　me。　His　last　mand　to　me。　And　I　failed　him。　And　you。　If　you　hadn't　meddled　with　the　Wit；　Fitz；　you'd　have　been　able　to　learn　the　Skill。　Galen　would　have　been　able　to　teach　you。　No　wonder　he　sent　you　to　Forge。〃　He　paused。　〃Bastard　or　no；　you　could　have　been　a　fit　son　to　Chivalry。　But　you　threw　it　all　away。　For　what？　A　dog。　I　know　what　a　dog　can　be　to　a　man；　but　you　don't　throw　your　life　over　for　a…〃
　　　　　　　〃Not　just　a　dog；〃　I　cut　in　almost　harshly。　〃Smithy。　My　friend。　And　it　wasn't　only　him。　I　gave　up　the　wait　and　came　back　for　you。　Thinking　you　might　need　me。　Smithy　died　days　ago。　I　knew　that。　But　I　came　back　for　you；　thinking　you　might　need　me。〃
　　　　　　　He　was　silent　so　long　I　thought　he　wasn't　going　to　speak　to　me。　〃You　needn't　have；〃　he　said　quietly。　〃I　take　care　of　myself。〃　And　harsher：　〃You　know　that。　I　always　have。〃
　　　　　　　〃And　me；〃　I　admitted　to　him。　〃And　you've　always　taken　care　of　me。〃
　　　　　　　〃And　small　damn　good　that　did　either　of　us；〃　he　said　slowly。　〃Look　what　I've　let　you　bee。　Now　you're　just　。。。　Go　away。　Just　go　away。〃　He　turned　away　from　me　again；　and　I　felt　something　go　out　of　the　man。
　　　　　　　I　stood　slowly。　〃I'll　make　you　a　wash　from　Helenaleaves　for　your　eye。　I'll　bring　it　this　afternoon。〃
　　　　　　　〃Bring　me　nothing。　Do　me　no　favors。　Go　your　own　way；　and　be　whatever　you　will。　I'm　done　with　you。〃　He　spoke　to　the　wall。　In　his　voice　was　no　mercy　for　either　of　us。
　　　　　　　I　glanced　back　as　I　left　the　infirmary。　Burrich　had　not　moved；　but　even　his　back　looked　older；　and　smaller。
　　　　　　　That　was　my　return　to　Buckkeep。　I　was　a　different　creature　from　the　waif　who　had　left。　Little　fanfare　was　made　over　my　not　being　dead　as　supposed。　I　made　no　opportunity　for　anyone　to　do　so。　From　Burrich's　bed；　I　went　straight　to　my　room。　I　washed　and　changed　my　garments。　I　slept；　but　not　well。　For　the　rest　of　Springfest；　I　ate　at　night；　alone　in　the　kitchens。　I　penned　one　note　to　King　Shrewd；　suggesting　that　Raiders　might　regularly　be　using　the　wells　at　Forge。　He　made　no　reply　to　me　about　it；　and　I　was　glad　of　it。　I　sought　no　contact　with　anyone。
　　　　　　　With　much　pomp　and　ceremony；　Galen　presented　his　finished　coterie　to　the　King。　One　other　besides　myself　had　failed　to　return。　It　shames　me　now　that　I　cannot　recall　his　name；　and　if　I　ever　knew　what　became　of　him；　I　have　forgotten　it。　Like　Galen；　I　suppose　I　dismissed　him　as　insignificant。
　　　　　　　Galen　spoke　to　me　only　once　the　rest　of　that　summer；　and　that　was　indirectly。　We　passed　one　another　in　the　courtyard；　not　long　after　Springfest。　He　was　walking　and　talking　with　Regal。　As　they　passed　me　he　looked　at　me　over　Regal's　head　and　said　sneeringly；　〃More　lives　than　a　cat。〃
　　　　　　　I　stopped　and　stared　at　them　until　both　were　forced　to　look　at　me。　I　made　Galen　meet　my　eyes；　then　I　smiled　and　nodded。　I　never　confronted　Galen　about　his　attempt　to　send　me　to　my　death。　He　never　appeared　to　see　me　after　that；　his　eyes　would　slide　past　me；　or　he　would　exit　a　room　when　I　entered　it。
　　　　　　　It　seemed　to　me　that　I　had　lost　everything　when　I　lost　Smithy。　Or　perhaps　in　my　bitterness　I　set　out　to　destroy　what　little　was　left　to　me。　I　sulked　about　the　keep　for　weeks；　cleverly　insulting　anyone　foolish　enough　to　speak　to　me。　The　Fool　avoided　me。　Chade　didn't　summon　me。　I　saw　Patience　thrice。　The　first　two　times　I　went　to　answer　her　summons；　I　made　only　the　barest　efforts　to　be　civil。　The　third　time；　bored　by　her　chatter　about　rose　cuttings；　I　simply　stood　up　and　left。　She　did　not　summon　me　again。
　　　　　　　But　there　came　a　time　when　I　felt　I　had　to　reach　out　to　someone。　Smithy　had　left　a　great　gap　in　my　life。　And　I　had　not　expected　that　my　exile　from　the　stables　would　be　as　devastating　as　it　was。　Chance　encounters　with　Burrich　were　incredibly　awkward　as　we　both　learned　painfully　to　pretend　not　to　see　each　other。
　　　　　　　I　wanted；　achingly；　to　go　to　Molly；　to　tell　her　everything　that　had　befallen　me；　all　that　had　happened　to　me　since　I　first　came　to　Buckkeep。　I　imagined　in　detail　how　we　could　sit　on　the　beach　while　I　talked；　and　that　when　I　was　done；　she　would　not　judge　me　or　try　to　offer　advice；　but　would　just　take　my　hand　and　be　still　beside　me。　Finally　someone　would　know　everything；　and　I　would　not　have　to　hide　anything　from　her　anymore。　And　she　wouldn't　turn　away。　I　dared　imagine　no　more　beyond　that。　I　longed　desperately；　and　feared　with　the　fear　known　only　to　a　boy　whose　love　is　two　years　older　than　he　is。　If　I　took　her　all　my　woes；　would　she　think　me　a　hapless　child　and　pity　me？　Would　she　hate　me　for　all　that　I　had　never　told　her　before？　A　dozen　times　that　thought　turned　my　feet　away　from　Buckkeep　Town。
　　　　　　　But　some　two　months　later；　when　I　did　venture　into　town；　my　traitorous　feet　took　me　to　the　chandlery。　I　happened　to　have　a　basket　with　me；　and　a　bottle　of　cherry　wine　in　it；　and　four　or　five　brambly　little　yellow　roses；　obtained　at　great　loss　of　skin　from　the　Women's　Garden；　where　their　fragrance　overpowered　even　the　thyme　beds。　I　told　myself　I　had　no　plan。　I　did　not　have　to　tell　her　everything　about　myself。　I　did　not　even　have　to　see　her。　I　could　decide　as　I　went　along。　But　in　the　end　all　decisions　had　already　been　made；　and　they　had　nothing　to　do　with　me。
　　　　　　　I　arrived　just　in　time　to　see　Molly　leaving　on　Jade's　arm。　Their　heads　were　close　together；　and　she　leaned　on　his　arm　as　they　spoke　in　soft　voices。　Outside　the　door　of　the　chandlery；　he　stooped　to　look　into　her　face。　She　lifted　her　eyes　to　his。　When　the　man　reached　a　hesitant　hand　to　gently　touch　her　cheek；　Molly　was　suddenly　a　woman；　one　I　did　not　know。　The　two…year　age　difference　between　us　was　a　vast　gulf　I　could　never　hope　to　bridge。　I　stepped　around　the　corner　before　she　could　see　me　and　turned　aside；　my　face　down。　They　passed　me　as　if　I　were　a　tree　or　a　stone。　Her　head　leaned　on　his　shoulder；　and　they　walked　slowly。　It　took　forever　for　them　to　be　out　of　sight。
　　　　　　　That　night　I　got　drunker　than　I　had　ever　been；　and　awoke　the　next　day　in　some　bushes　halfway　up　the　keep　road。
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　CHAPTER　EIGHTEEN
　　　　　　　Assassinations
　　　　　　　CHADE　FALLSTAR；　A　PERSONAL　adviser　to　King　Shrewd；　made　an　extensive　study　of　Forging　during　the　period　just　preceding　the　Red…Ship　wars。　From　his　tablets；　we　have　the　following。　〃Netta；　the　daughter　of　the　fisherman　Gill　and　the　farmer　Ryda；　was　taken　alive　from　her　village　Goodwater　on　the　seventeenth　day　after　Springfest。　She　was　Forged　by　the　Red…Ship　Raiders　and　returned　to　her　village　three　days　later。　Her　father　was　killed　in　the　same　raid；　and　her　mother；　having　five　younger　children；　was　little　able　to　deal　with　Netta。　She　was；　at　the　time　of　her　Forging；　fourteen　summers　old。　She　came　into　my　possession　some　six　months　after　her　Forging。
　　　　　　　〃When　first　brought　to　me；　she　was　dirty；　ragged；　and　greatly　weakened　due　to　starvation　and　exposure。　At　my　direction；　she　was　washed；　clothed；　and　housed　in　chambers　convenient　to　my　own。　I　proceeded　with　her　as　I　might　have　with　a　wild　animal。　Each　day　I　brought　her　food　with　my　own　hands　and　stayed　by　her　while　she　ate。　I　saw　to　it　that　her　chambers　were　kept　warm；　her　bedding　clean；　and　that　she　was　provided　with　the　amenities　a　woman　might　expect：　water　for　washing；　brushes　and　bs；　and　all　that　is　needful　to　a　woman。　In　addition；　I　saw　to　it　that　she　was　furnished　with　sundry　supplies　for　needlework；　for　I　had　discovered　that　prior　to　Forging；　she　had　had　a　great　fondness　for　doing　such　fancywork　and　had　created　several　artful　pieces。　My　inttention　in　all　this　was　to　se　if；　under　gentle　circumstances；　a　Forged　one　might　not　return　to　a　semblance　of　the　person　she　had　formerly　been。
　　　　　　　〃Even　a　wild　animal　might　have　bee　a　little　tamer　under　these　circumstances。　But　to　all　things　Netta　reacted　with　indifference。　She　had　lost　not　only　the　habits　of　a　woman；　but　even　the　good　sense　of　an　animal。　She　would　eat　to　satiation；　with　her　hands；　and　then　let　fall　to　the　floor　whatever　was　excess；　to　be　trodden　underfoo