gs.earthabides-第76章

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e　felt　the　ceremony　to　be　meaningless；　and　talk　in　the　presence　of　death　to　be　almost　an　impertinence。　Yet　also　he　felt　himself　close　to　something　very　ancient　in　humanity；　perhaps　something　also　very　significant　for　the　future。　Suddenly　he　was　imagining　himself　an　anthropologist　of　thousands　of　years　in　the　future；　one　who　was　investigating　the　life　of　people　just　subsequent　to　the　Great　Disaster。　〃Little　is　known　of　their　culture；〃　he　would　write。　〃From　the　discovery　of　certain　graves；　however；　it　is　known　that　they　practiced　inhumation。〃　
　　When　Ezra　began　to　talk；　Ish　became　a　little　fearful；　there　were　many　things　that　might　be　said　wrong　on　the　occasion。　But　as　soon　as　Ezra　was　well　started；　Ish　knew　that　he　should　have　had　more　trust。　Ezra　had　not　looked　up　old　funeral　services。　He　did　not　mouth　traditional　words。　He　did　not　speak　of　a　hope　beyond　the　grave。　Of　all　who　stood　there；　only　George　and　Maurine；　and　perhaps　Molly；　would　have　found　fort　in　such　words。　You　found　it　hard　to　think　of　such　a　thing　when　across　the　tradition　of　the　past　lay　the　broad　black　mark　of　the　Great　Disaster。　
　　So　Ezra；　who　knew　people；　talked　a　little　of　each　of　the　children。　He　told　some　small　pleasing　story　of　each　of　them；　something　which　he　remembered　and　which　the　others　might　like　to　remember。　
　　Last　of　all；　he　began　to　talk　of　Joey；　and　Ish　felt　himself　suddenly　weak。　But　Ezra　did　not　talk　of　any　remarkable　thing　that　Joey　had　done　and　did　not　even　mention　that　a　year　had　been　named　for　him。　Instead；　he　began　to　tell　of　some　little　incident　of　play；　as　with　the　others。　
　　As　Ezra　talked　of　Joey；　Ish　saw　some　of　the　children　begin　to　cast　quick　sidelong　glances　at　him。　They　knew　the　special　bond　that　had　connected　Joey　and　his　father。　Were　they　wondering　whether　he；　Ish；　would　step　forward　at　the　last　moment？　He；　the　Old　One；　the　American；　who　knew　all　that　strange　knowledge…would　he　step　forward　at　the　last　moment；　and　hold　his　hammer　before　him　stiffly；　and　declare　that　Joey　was　not　gone；　that　Joey　still　lived；　that　Joey　would　e　back　to　them？　Would　the　earth　of　that　little　mound　begin　to　stir？　
　　But　Ish　noticed　only　their　quick　glances；　sidelong　and　furtive。　They　said　nothing。　And　whatever　they　thought；　he　knew　that　he　could　work　no　miracle。　
　　When　Ezra　finished　talking　of　Joey；　he　continued　speaking　more　in　general。　Why　did　he　not　stop？　Ish　felt　something　wrong。　This　service　should　not　drag　on！　
　　Then　abruptly　Ezra　brought　himself　to　a　close；　and　at　the　same　moment　Ish　became　conscious　of　another　change。　All　the　world　was　suddenly　brighter。　The　first　edge　of　the　sun　had　risen　above　the　ridge…line！　
　　Ish　suddenly　did　not　know　whether　to　be　pleased　or　dismayed。　〃Well　planned！〃　he　thought。　〃But　a　stage…trick！〃　Then；　looking　around；　he　saw　that　the　others　were　happy。　He　too　relaxed；　and　even　though　he　recognized　the　theatrical　touch；　he　was　forted。　
　　The　return　of　the　sun！　That　age…old　symbol！　Ezra　had　been　too　honest　to　promise　immortality；　but　he　had　chosen　his　timing；　and　had　the　luck　of　a　clear　morning。　Whether　you　thought　of　personal　resurrection　or　merely　of　the　continuance　of　the　race；　the　symbol　was　there。　
　　Now　the　lanes　of　yellow　sunlight　stretched　out　between　the　long　shadows　of　the　tall　dark　trees。　
　　In　this　also　we　are　men；　that　we　think　of　the　dead。　Once　it　was　not　so；　and　when　one　of　us　died；　he　lay　where　he　lay　by　the　cave…mouth　and　we　ran　in　and　out　there；　not　standing　quite　upright　as　we　ran。　Now　we　stand　upright；　and　now　also　we　think　of　the　dead。　
　　So；　when　the　rade　lies　there；　we　do　not　let　him　lie　where　he　died。　And　we　do　not　take　him　by　the　legs　carelessly；　and　drag　him　into　the　forest　for　the　foxes　and　woodrats　to　gnaw　on。　We　do　not　cast　him　into　the　river　carelessly　for　the　stream　to　float　him　away。　
　　No；　but　rather　we　lay　him　where　the　ground　is　hollowed　out　a　little　and　there　cover　him　with　leaves　and　branches。　So　he　shall　return　to　the　earth；　whence　all　things　came。　
　　Or　else　we　lay　him　to　rest　among　the　tree…branches；　and　give　him　to　the　air。　Then；　if　the　black　birds　e　streaming　from　far　to　pluck　at　him；　that　too　is　right；　for　they　are　the　creatures　of　the　air。　
　　Or　else　we　give　him　to　the　bright　and　hot　cleanliness　of　fire。　
　　Then　we　go　about　our　life　as　before；　and　soon　we　forget；　like　the　beasts。　But　this　at　least　we　have　done；　and　when　we　shall　no　longer　do　it；　then　we　shall　no　longer　be　men。　
　　After　the　ceremony　at　the　graves　was　over；　they　all　walked　back　to　the　houses　through　the　early　sunshine。　Ish　began　to　wish　that　he　could　be　alone。　He　did　not　feel　it　right；　however；　to　leave　Em　at　this　time。　Before　long　she　must　have　sensed　how　he　was　feeling；　and　she　took　the　initiative。　
　　〃Go　on；〃　she　said。　〃It　will　be　better　for　you　to　take　a　walk；　and　be　by　yourself　for　a　while。〃　
　　He　decided　to　go。　As　he　had　feared；　the　funeral　service　had　stirred　him　deeply。　Some　people　sought　pany　in　time　of　grief；　but　he　was　one　who　rather　should　be　alone。　He　did　not　worry　about　Em；　she　was　stronger　than　he。　
　　He　took　no　lunch　with　him；　because　he　did　not　feel　hungry。　In　any　case　he　could　always　step　into　a　store；　and　pick　out　some　cans。　He　did　not　strap　his　pistol…belt　around　him；　though　it　was　routine　not　to　go　far　from　the　houses　without　some　kind　of　weapon。　At　the　last　moment；　however；　he　hesitated　uncertainly；　and　then　took　the　hammer　from　the　mantelpiece。　
　　The　very　fact　that　he　took　it　troubled　him　a　little。　Why　was　it　ing　to　loom　so　large　in　his　thoughts？　It　was　by　no　means　his　oldest　possession；　because　scattered　throughout　the　house　were　things　which　he　had　owned　and　could　remember　even　from　the　time　of　his　small　boyhood。　But　still　none　of　them　was　like　the　hammer。　Perhaps　it　was　because　he　associated　it　particularly　with　his　survival　in　the　first　days。　And　yet　he　did　not　believe　what　the　children　seemed　to　believe　about　the　hammer。　
　　He　walked　away　from　the　house；　not　caring　in　what　direction　he　wandered；　so　long　as　he　could　be　by　himself。　The　hammer　dangling　from　one　hand　was　a　nuisance。　He　began　to　feel　an　irritation　against　it。　Was　it　really　ing　to　be　a　superstition　in　his　mind　too；　as　it　was　in　the　minds　of　the　children？　
　　Well；　why　did　he　not　simply　lay　the　hammer　down；　and　pick　it　up　on　his　way　home？　Or　pick　it　up　tomorrow？　Yet；　he　did　not　lay　it　down。　
　　He　realized　that　not　merely　the　temporary　inconvenience　of　the　hammer　was　irritating　him　against　it；　but　rather　his　feeling　that　it　was　ing　to　be　a　fixation　with　him。　He　made　a　sudden　resolve　to　be　done　with　it。　He　would　not　let　his　mind　be　imposed　upon。　As　he　had　once　before　imagined　himself　doing；　he　would　walk　down　to　the　Bay；　and　out　on　the　old　wharf；　then　he　would　throw　the　hammer　violently；　far　out　into　the　waves。　It　would　sink　through　them　deep　into　the　soft　mud　beneath；　and　that　would　be　the　end。　He　walked　on。　Then　the　memory　of　Joey　flooded　over　him　again；　and　as　he　walked；　he　thought　no　more　of　the　hammer。　
　　After　a　while　he　came　out　of　his　sorrow；　and　realized　that　he　was　actually　walking　and　carrying　the　hammer。　Then　he　knew　that　he　was　not　heading　toward　the　Bay；　in　spite　of　his　decision。　He　was　walking　south；　not　west。　
　　〃It　would　be　a　long　walk　to　the　Bay；　and　I　am　still　not　strong；〃　he　said　to　himself。　〃There　is　no　use　walking　so　far　just　to　get　rid　of　this　old　hammer。　I　can　throw　it　into　any　gully　among　the　bushes；　and　I　shall　soon　forget　where　I　threw　it。〃　
　　Then　he　knew　again　that　his　mind　was　trying　to　deceive　him　and　that　even　if　he　threw　the　hammer　into　a　gully　he　would　not　forget　where　he　had　thrown　it　and　would　not　lose　it　in　that　way。　He　quit　his　pretense；　for　he　knew　that　he　did　not　want　to　be　separated　from　the　hammer　and　that　it　had　e　to　mean　a　great　deal　to　him　in　some　strange　way。　At　the　same　time　he　realized　why　he　was　walking　south　and　where　subconsciously　his　mind　was　already　directing　his　feet。　
　　He　was　following　the　broad　street　which　led　toward　the　University　campus。　He　had　not　been　there　for　a　long　time。　As　he　walked；　his　sorrow　was　still　with　him；　but　in　some　way　now　it　had　ceased　to　be　so　overwhelming；　as　if　his　decision　about　the　hammer　had　made　some　change。　
　　Now；　as　so　often　before；　he　looked　around　him；　and