gs.earthabides-第71章
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and dead men had risen from their graves； and their souls had marched on。 But Charlie had not seemed to have much of a soul。
He walked with the others。 They were all silent； except that the three boys were beginning to recover their spirits and chaff back and forth at one another。 There was no reason why they should be less concerned than the older men。 The boys had not voted originally； but they had concurred。 〃Yes；〃 Ish thought； 〃if anyone is guilty； we are all guilty together； and in time to e no one can raise a word against any other one。〃
Along the littered and grass…grown streets； between the rows of half…ruined houses； there was never a longer mile than that one back from the new grave beneath the oak tree to the houses on San Lupo Drive。
When he went into his own house； Ish went to the mantelpiece； and set the hammer there； head down； handle sticking stiffly upward。 Yes； it vvas an old friend； but his thought of the twenty…two years altered a little when he remembered the day when he had first used the hammer。 Those years…perhaps they had been lived； as he had thought a little while ago； in a kind of Garden of Eden！ Yet； also； they had been the years of anarchy； when there was no strong force to protect the individual against whatever might rise up against him。 He remembered that day vividly still…the one when he had first e driving down from the mountains and had stood in the street of the little town of Hutsonville； pausing for a moment； hesitant； looking up and down the street； realizing that he was about to do something illegal and irrevocable and terrible。 Then； he still remembered the feeling； he had drawn back deliberately with the hammer and smashed the flimsy door of the little pool…room and gone inside to read the newspaper。 Oh； yes…when you had had the United States of America around and about you； as all…present as the air you breathed； then you had thought little of it except to plain about ine…tax and regulations； and you felt yourself the strong individual。 But when it had vanished！ How was it the old line had gone？…〃His hand shall be against every man's and every man's hand against him。〃 So it had been。 Even though he had George and Ezra； they had all acted only from day to day； no battle…tested symbol of unity had bound them。 Though things had worked fortably and pleasantly in all these years； that might only have been good luck。
Now from across the street he heard the sound of a saw； and he realized that George was back at work with his beloved wood。 George would not spend much time thinking about what had happened。 Neither would Ezra； or the boys。 Of them all； only he； Ish； thought much。 And now； since he could not help it； he thought back again。 Again he wondered； as so often before； what really were springs of action。 Did it e from the man inside？ Or from the world； the outside？ Take all this that had just happened。 The water had failed； and then they had sent the boys on their expedition as the result of losing the water； and from the expedition had e Charlie； and from Charlie； who was part of the outside； had e all that had happened afterwards。 Yet he could not say； either； that this was all an inevitable succession of happenings from the initial failure of the water。 His own mind had worked creatively； throwing out the suggestion for the expedition； seeing imaginatively what might be done。 And then again he thought of Joey； that other one who saw what was not there； who looked to the future。
Em came in。 She had not been at the oak tree； that was not woman's work。 But she too had written the word upon the ballot。 Yet Em； he realized； would not consider too much or worry。 She was a person too unified in nature。
She spoke： 〃Don't think about it now。 Don't worry about it。 〃
He took her hand in his； and pressed it against his cheek。 For a moment it was cool； and then he felt it warm to the flush of his own skin。 Many years it was now since he had first seen her standing in the light of the doorway； and heard her speak； not a challenge or a question； but in quiet affirmation。 Twenty…one； twenty…two； years…and now he knew that no matter what happened there would be no question in the final relationship between the two of them。 They would have no more children； yet that relationship still was warm。 She was ten years older than he。 Some might say that she was the mother more than the wife for him。 Let it be！ As things were； so let them stand。
〃I'll never keep from it！〃 he said at last。 〃From worrying； I mean。 I suppose I really get pleasure from it。 But I have to try to look ahead； peering into the mist。 I guess I had picked out the right profession for myself in the Old Times； I'd have made a good research professor。 But it's something of a bad joke； I think； that I was left as one of the survivors。 What was needed was only men like George and Ezra； they drift without thinking much； or acting； either。 Or else the new times needed men who could act； be leaders； without too much thinking。 Men； maybe…well； maybe Charlie was really that kind。 Me； I only try。 I'm not one like Moses； or Solon…or； or…Lycurgus。 Those were the ones who made the laws and founded nations。 What has happened…yes； what is going to happen to us all…it would all be different if I were different。〃
She pressed her cheek against his for a moment。
〃Anyway；〃 she said； 〃I don't want you different。〃
Well； that was what a wife should say！ It was trite； but it was forting。
〃Besides；〃 she went on； 〃how do you know？ Even if you were Moses； or…one of those others with the funny names…still you couldn't control what the world does； all of it； pressing in around us。〃
One of the children called；and Em went away。 Ish rose； and went to the desk； and from one of the drawers he drew out the little cardboard box which the boys had brought back with them from the tiny munity near the Rio Grande。 Ish knew what was in it； but because of all that had been happening with such incredible speed he had not yet had the time； or the peace of mind； to examine it。
He opened the little box； and put his fingers down among the cool and smooth kernels。 He squeezed some of them in his palm； took a handful out； and looked at them。 They were red and black； small； pointed at the ends…not the large flat kernels； yellow or white； that he had expected to see。 Yet this was what he should have expected。 The large kernels were from a highly developed； perhaps even artificially hybridized； variety of corn。 The little black and red ones were more primitive； what the Pueblo Indians had always raised。
He took the box back to his chair。 Again he put his hand into it； he picked up more of the black and red kernels； and let them run into the box again through his fingers。 He played with them； and as he played； merciful forgetfulness moved in upon him； and there was a new peace in his heart。 This also had e from the expedition eastwards。 In the corn was life； and the future。
Looking up； he saw Joey…ever the curious one…gazing at him from across the room with interest。 He felt himself warm toward Joey； and called to him to e and see。 Joey was interested； as always。 Ish explained to him about the 。 During the passage of the years their own munity had delayed so long in trying to raise that in the end he had not been able to find any still living seed。 Now there was another chance。
Then； even though it seemed a terrible thing to do； Ish took the little box； and went out into the kitchen with Joey。 They lighted a burner in the gasoline stove； and took a frying…pan。 Carefully； allowing themselves only two dozen kernels； they poured some corn into the frying…pan； and parched the kernels over the flame。
Even though they thus wasted some of the seeds； Ish felt too Much moved emotionally to resist the temptation； and he justified himself by thinking that the actual demonstration to Joey； immediately； was necessary。
The corn did not parch well； and was barely edible。 Neither of them cared for it much。 Actually Ish could only remember having eaten parched corn as a sophisticated cocktail…relish； but he explained to Joey that parched corn had been a regular food on the American frontier and that
