gs.earthabides-第67章

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wild　fantasies　that　e　to　a　man　in　the　darkness　when　he　cannot　sleep。〃　And　he　managed；　at　last；　to　dismiss　the　thoughts　from　his　mind；　and　to　sleep。　
　　In　the　morning　things　indeed　looked　better…not　altogether　rosy；　perhaps；　but　at　least　not　too　dark。　He　ate　breakfast　in　a　good　enough　mood。　He　was　happy　to　see　Bob　at　the　breakfast　table　again；　and　by　questioning　got　from　him　some　more　details　of　the　trip。　
　　Then；　just　as　he　was　beginning　to　feel　fortable；　the　whole　thing　broke　loose　on　him　when　Bob　spoke。　
　　〃I　guess；〃　he　said；　〃I'll　go　over　and　see　Charlie　now。〃　
　　Ish　felt　a　sudden　desire　to　snap　out　a　bit　of　fatherly　advice；　〃I　wouldn't　see　so　much　of　that　fellow；　if　I　were　you。〃　But　he　saw　Em's　eyes　saying　no；　and　he　himself　knew　that　such　advice　would　only　make　Charlie　seem　forbidden　and　more　attractive。　He　still　kept　wondering　what　fascination　Charlie　exercised　upon　the　two　boys。　
　　Bob　went；　and　after　the　morning　chores　were　finished；　the　other　children　drifted　off　too。　〃What　is　the　fascination？〃　said　Ish　to　Em。　
　　〃Oh；　don't　worry；〃　she　said。　〃It's　just　the　attraction　of　a　stranger；　something　new。　Isn't　that　natural？〃　
　　〃There　is　trouble　ahead！〃　
　　〃Perhaps；〃　said　Em；　and　Ish　suddenly　realized　that　that　was　the　first　time　she　had　admitted　the　possibility；　and　then　she　changed　the　direction　of　his　thoughts　with　a　second　remark；　〃But　be　careful　that　you're　not　the　one　who　starts　the　trouble。　〃　
　　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　he　snapped；　angrily；　although　he　did　not　often　get　angry　at　Em。　〃You　mean　that　this　is　just　a　fight　for　domination？〃　
　　〃I　think　that　you'd　better　go　over　and　see　what's　happening　now；〃　she　said；　disregarding　his　last　question。　
　　The　advice　seemed　good　in　any　case；　for　perhaps　he　too　was　curious。　He　started　to　follow　it；　and　just　as　he　was　opening　the　front　door；　he　had　a　feeling　of　uncertainty。　He　closed　the　door　behind　him；　and　stood　on　the　front　porch　wondering。　His　hands　felt　strangely　empty；　he　needed　something。　He　felt　defenseless；　and　he　considered　going　back　into　the　house　to　strap　a　pistol　on。　In　the　vicinity　of　the　houses　they　never　needed　to　carry　firearms　any　more；　because　the　dogs　gave　plentiful　warning；　but　he　could　make　an　excuse　that　he　was　going　somewhere　farther　off。　Still；　he　hesitated；　realizing　that　to　carry　a　pistol　would　look　like　aggression…besides；　it　would　be　a　confession　of　his　own　weakness　and　insecurity。　Yet　he　could　not　deny　his　feeling　of　uncertainty。　
　　He　went　back　into　the　house；　and　immediately　saw　the　hammer　on　the　mantelpiece。　〃So　that's　it！〃　he　thought　irritably。　〃You're　as　bad　as　the　children。　You're　letting　the　children's　ideas　work　into　you！〃　Nevertheless　he　picked　up　the　hammer　and　took　it　along。　Its　weight　and　solidity　gave　him　fort。　The　handle's　firm　hardness　filled　up　the　emptiness　of　his　right　hand。　
　　Over　from　where　the　bonfire　had　been；　he　heard　a　sound　of　people　laughing；　and　he　walked　that　way。　He　was　alone；　and　then　suddenly　he　felt　again　the　Great　Loneliness。　
　　It　came　upon　him　with　paralyzing　force。　Once　more　he　was　the　ant　lost　from　the　hill；　the　bee　from　the　destroyed　hive；　the　motherless　child！　He　paused　and　stood　still；　feeling　the　cold　sweat　start。　No；　the　United　States　of　America　was　only　a　name　far　in　the　past！　He　must　act　by　himself；　or　with　what　support　he　himself　could　rally。　There　was　no　policeman　or　sheriff；　or　district　attorney　or　judge；　anywhere；　to　whom　he　could　look。　
　　He　was　gripping　the　hammer…handle　so　hard　that　his　knuckles　hurt。　〃I　can't　go　back！〃　he　thought。　Then　he　mustered　all　his　courage；　and　slid　one　foot　forward　in　front　of　the　other。　
　　Once　he　was　moving　again；　once　action　had　succeeded　thought；　he　felt　better。　He　saw　them　now；　ahead；　as　he　had　expected；　at　the　ashes　of　the　bonfire。　Almost　all　the　younger　ones　were　there；　and　Ezra　with　them。　They　stood　and　sat　and　lounged　around　Charlie；　and　he　was　telling　them　things；　laughing　and　joking　as　he　went　along。　All　this　was　just　about　what　Ish　had　expected；　and　only　when　he　had　looked　more　closely　did　a　sudden　feeling　of　coldness　seem　to　begin　at　his　stomach　and　then　flow　out　until　it　came　clear　to　the　ends　of　his　fingers　and　toes。　His　right　hand　had　gripped　harder；　vise…like；　on　the　hammer…handle。　
　　Close　to　the　center　of　the　group；　right　beside　Charlie；　Evie　was　sitting；　the　half…witted　one；　and　there　was　a　look　on　her　face　that　Ish　had　never　seen　there　before。　
　　Ish　was　about　ten　paces　from　Charlie　when　he　noticed。　He　halted。　Some　of　the　children　had　seen　him；　but　they　were　interested　in　the　story；　and　no　one　had　paid　him　any　attention。　He　stood　there；　as　if　not　yet　officially　present。　
　　He　paused。　It　seemed　a　long　time。　But　he　could　feel　his　heart　throbbing；　and　it　did　not　pound　more　than　a　few　times。　
　　He　felt　the　coldness　ooze　away。　Now　he　was　ready　for　action。　He　was　almost　happy。　The　problem　had　suddenly　taken　form；　and　even　the　worst　problem　in　definite　form　was　better　than　a　fog　lurking　in　corners。　You　could　not　bat　a　mere　suggestion　of　evil。　
　　Still；　through　the　long　period　of　a　few　more　heart…beats；　he　stood　there。　The　problem　had　revealed　itself　and　taken　shape　suddenly。　That　too　was　part　of　their　present　way　of　life。　In　the　Old　Days　a　crisis　simmered　and　stewed；　and　you　read　the　newspapers　for　weeks　and　months　before　the　strike　broke　or　the　bombs　fell。　When　you　were　dealing　with　only　a　few　people；　a　crisis　came　quickly。　
　　He　looked。　Evie　was　at　the　center　of　the　group；　and　usually　you　could　count　upon　her　being　somewhere　on　the　outskirts。　Usually　she　paid　only　furtive　attention　to　what　was　happening；　now　she　kept　her　face　directed　at　Charlie's；　seeming　to　drink　his　words　in；　although　she　certainly　did　not　understand　much　of　what　he　was　saying。　There　was　something　more　there　than　the　desire　to　understand　his　words。　They　were　sitting　close　together。　
　　Was　it　for　this；　Ish　thought　with　bitterness；　that　they　had　cared　for　Evie？　Ezra　had　found　her…dirty；　groveling；　and　unkempt；　living　in　filth　with　merely　enough　intelligence　to　open　cans　to　feed　herself　on　whatever　they　contained；　without　cooking　or　preparation。　It　would　have　been　better；　he　had　often　thought；　if　they　had　merely　put　a　can　of　sweet　ant…poison　within　her　reach　somewhere。　As　it　was；　they　had　cared　for　her　through　so　many　years；　and　she　had　certainly　been　no　pleasure　to　them　and　probably　no　pleasure　to　herself。　Their　caring　for　her　had　been；　he　thought　sometimes；　merely　a　curious　lingering　of　an　old　standard　of　humanitarianism。　
　　Now　he　looked　again　at　the　group　before　him；　and　in　Evie　he　noticed　something　that　had　never　been　so　apparent　to　him　before。　That　was　the　trouble　of　too　long　familiarity；　just　as　a　picture　on　the　wall　became　something　you　did　not　notice　at　all；　so　a　person　whom　you　knew　for　many　years　tended　to　lose　individual　characteristics。　Evie；　he　realized　now；　was　a　fully　developed　woman；　startlingly　blond；　in　a　special　way；　beautiful。　You　had　to　forget；　of　course；　the　strangeness　of　her　eyes；　and　a　vacancy　in　her　face。　And　that　was　something　which　he；　Ish；　could　never　really　do。　But　to　a　man　like　Charlie；　such　matters　were　not　important。　Yes；　as　Ezra　had　said；　Charlie　knew　what　he　wanted；　and　what　he　wanted　he　wanted　quickly。　Indeed；　was　there　any　reason　why　he　should　delay？　
　　Ish　gripped　hard　on　the　hammer…handle。　He　took　fort　from　it；　but　he　had　bee　very　conscious　that　it　was　not　a　pistol。　
　　A　sudden　burst　of　laughter　came　at　something　which　Charlie　was　saying。　Looking　at　Evie　again；　Ish　saw　that　she　too　was　laughing　in　a　high；　uncontrolled　giggle；　as　she　laughed；　Charlie　reached　across　and　pinched　her　in　the　ribs。　She　screamed　girlishly；　high　and　shrill。　Then　as　Ish　drew　near；　his　presence　all　at　once　seemed　to　bee　official；　and　everyone　turned　to　look　at　him。　Instantly；　Ish　realized　that　they　had　been　waiting　for　him；　that　the　new　situation　had　disturbed　them　all；　and　that　they　were　looking　for　some　suggestion　of　what　to　do。　He　walked　forward　steadily　toward　Charlie；　still　gripping　hard　with　his　right　hand；　but　taking　care　not　to　clench　his　left　fist；　in　spite　of　his　rising　anger。　
　　As　Ish　drew　near；　Charlie…nonchalantly　almost…reached　out　with　his　right　arm；　and　put　it　around　Evie　and　drew　her　close　to　h