gs.earthabides-第29章
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gh the bad days； alone…all those qualities now came up to work against him。 And he sensed too； very deeply； that they would be wrong。 The old methods had worked in the days when there were girls in every cocktail…bar； looking for adventure。 But now such methods were not right； he knew； and knew deeply…at this time； when the vast city stretched away empty in all directions outside of the windows and all the ways of the world had vanished and this woman had lived through all the catastrophe and the fear and the loneliness and now had e out on the other side； still with courage in her eyes； and affirmation； and laughter。
For a wild moment he had an idea that they might say some kind of marriage vows。 Quakers could marry themselves。 Why couldn't others？ They could stand up together； and face toward the east where the morning sun would rise。 And then he sensed that the mere babbling of words was in itself much more dishonest even than a straightforward feeling for the knee under the table。 He realized that he had been silent for what might have been a full minute。 She was looking across at him with level calm eyes； and he knew that she read his thoughts。
In his embarrassment he rose suddenly to his feet； upsetting the chair as he got up。 Then the table between them had ceased to be a symbol joining them together and now held them apart。 He stepped from behind it； and across toward her as she rose up too。 And then there was the softness of her body against his。
O Song of Songs！ Thine eyes； my love； are gentle； and the fullness of thy lips is soft andfirm。 Thy neck is ivory； and the smoothness of thy shoulders like warm ivory。 The softness of thy breasts against me is like fine wool。 Thy thighs are firm and strong like the cedars。 O Song of Songs！
She had gone now； into the inner room。 He sat； still with breath and heart quick； tense and waiting。 He had only one fear now。 In a world where there were no doctors and even no other women； how could anyone risk the chance？ But she had gone。 He realized that she； too； in her great affirmation； would consider this also and care for it。
O Song of Songs。 My love； thy bed is fragrant as boughs of the pine tree； and thy body is warm。 Thou art Ashtoreth。 Thou art Aphrodite； that keepest the gate of Love。 Now my strength is upon me。 Now the rivers are pent up。 Now is my hour。 Oh receive me in thine infinitude。
Chapter 7
He lay quietly awake after she slept beside him； and his thoughts rushed by him so fast that he could not stop them long enough to get to sleep。 That was what she had said before； earlier in the evening…no matter what happened to the world； it did not change the person； and he remained what he had been。 Yes； that was the way！ lbough so much had happened； and even though he might be deeply moved by that great experience； yet still he was the observer…the man who sat by the side； watching what happened； never quite losing himself in the experience。 The strangeness！ In the old world it might well never have happened。 Out of destruction had e； for him； love。
He slept。 When he woke； it was daylight； and she was gone。 He looked around the room fearfully。 Yes； it was really a shabby little room； and he suddenly had a fear that perhaps all this seemingly great experience of love was； after all； only something which in the old days would have been no more than a pick…up of a restless waitress and a grimy room in a cheap hotel。 And she…she was no goddess； no hamadryad glimpsed whitely in the dusk！ Except at the moment of desire； she would never be Ashtoreth or Aphrodite。 He trembled a little to think of how she might look in the morning light。 She was older than he； perhaps he was merely mixing her in some vague kind of mother…image。 〃Oh； don't worry；〃 he thought； putting it into words； 〃there never has been perfection yet； and it certainly isn't going to start now for me。〃 Then he remembered how she had first spoken； not in question or mand； but merely in affirmation。 Yes； that was the way it ought to be。 Take what was good in a situation； not worrying about what might not be there。
He got up and dressed。 As he dressed； he sniffed the aroma of coffee。 Coffee！ That was a kind of modern symbol； too。
She had the table set in the breakfast…nook when he came out； as any muter's wife might have done。 He looked at her almost bashfully。 He saw again； more clearly by morning light； the wide…set black eyes in the dark face； the full ripe lips； the swelling curve of the breasts beneath a light…green smock。
He did not offer to kiss her； and she did not seem to expect it。 But they smiled back and forth； one at the other。 〃Where's Princess？〃 he said。 〃I put her out for her run。〃
〃Good…And it's going to be a good day； too； I think。〃
〃Yes； looks like it。 Sorry there are no eggs。〃
〃No matter。 What is it？ Bacon； I see。〃
〃Yes。
They were little words； meaning nothing； yet there was a great joy to say them。 A greater joy； perhaps； saying the little things than saying something much greater。 A whole contentment came over him。 This was no affair of the rented room。 His luck was in！ He looked across into her level eyes； and felt new security and courage rise up within him！ This would endure！
They moved back； later that day； to the house on San Lupo Drive； chiefly because he seemed to have more possessionsbooks； especially…than she did。 It was less trouble to move to the books than to move the books to them。
The days went more swiftly and more fortably after that。 There were many ways of sharing。 〃What was it？〃 he thought。 〃'A friend doubles joys and cuts griefs in half'？〃
She never talked about herself。 Once or twice he tried to draw her out with questions； thinking that she might need to tell things。 But she did not respond easily； and he decided that she had already made her adjustment in her own way。 She had drawn the veil across the view toward the past； now she looked forward only
Yet she made no apparent attempt at secrecy。 He learned from casual remarks that she had been married （happily； he was sure）； and had had two small children。 She had gone to high school but not to college； her grammar lapsed occasionally。 Her soft accent； which he had noticed when she first spoke； had perhaps the touch of Kentucky or Tennessee in it。
But she never mentioned having lived anywhere except in California。
Her social status must have been； Ish judged； somewhat lower than his。 But there was nothing more ridiculous to contemplate； now； than all that business of social classes。
〃Amazing； how little everything Re that matters now！〃 And the days slid by easily。
One morning； finding that they needed some supplies； he went down to start the car。 He put his thumb on the smrter button。 There was a sudden click； nothing more。 He pressed it again； and it clicked。 That was all。
He heard no sudden forting whir as the motor took over； no reassuring little bangs as the cold cylinders began to fire。 Panic fell upon him again。 He pressed the button once more； and still once more； and every time came only the little click。 〃Battery gone！〃 he thought。
He got out； raised the hood of the car； and stared hopelessly at the orderly but plex array of wires and gadgets。 It was too much for him。 He had a sudden hopeless feeling within him； he went back to the house。
〃The car won't start；〃 he said。 〃Battery gone； or something！〃 He knew that his face must be even more woebegone than his voice。 That was why he could hardly believe it； when she laughed。 〃There's no place we have to go so badly as all that；〃 she said。 〃To look at you； you'd think that things had gone to pieces！〃
Then he laughed too。 It made all the difference in the world whether you had that other to cut the grief in half； and the trouble suddenly seemed tiny。 A car was convenient when you wanted to go to the stores and load up with some more supplies。 But you could live just as well without a car。 She was right…they had really no place that they needed so badly to go！
He had imagined a desperate day； tying to find a new car or to fix up the old one。 As it was； they made it a sport； even though it did take them most
